Painting The Shore

2

Amber's humiliating fall on the hard cold ground was met with a chorus of unbridled laughter that echoed through the hallways of the school. As more people gathered around, their mocking laughter grew louder, drowning out any other noise. It wasn't until she felt the warm wetness that spread across her pants and onto the ground beneath her that Amber finally grasped the gravity of the situation. She peed herself. She looked up and locked eyes with the girl who had tripped her, noticing an emerging, sinister sneer on her tormentor's face. Defeated, Amber closed her eyes and wished she could be dead.

Amber jolted awake, her breath coming in gasps, while beads of sweat permeated her bed sheets. This dream wasn't just a nightmare, but it also felt so simultaneously familiar, yet distant.

Despite her parents' efforts to be kind and act as if nothing was out of the ordinary, a sense of annoyance gnawed at her as she played along with her new identity, aware that their attempts to portray normalcy felt fake. She was no longer the familiar Amber they had known and watched grow. She had a small resemblance to the Amber preserved in their cherished photo albums. However, the current Amber, she associated herself with now felt like a whole new person. A person of her own. As Amber gazed at the vintage photos of herself, a pile of thoughts flooded her mind. How could this be me? I would never dress like that or style my hair like that! It simply doesn't compliment my features. Why did I apply so much makeup, resembling a clown? The foundation doesn't even match my skin tone! The presence of this "other" Amber felt foreign, causing a nauseating sensation deep within her gut. It was as if she had stolen someone else's skin just to inhabit her own existence. Yet, amidst the confusion, a revelation dawned upon her—she was that unfamiliar girl, the stranger she still can't recognize.

Morning arrived, relieving Amber as she finally appeared from the clutches of that grim nightmare. The gentle creaks of daylight filtered into the pristine room, making her feel more at ease than earlier. Her dad then barged into the room wearing his white robe.

"Hey there, pumpkin! Mom whipped up your all-time favorite breakfast—a yummy combination of sunny-side-up eggs, crispy bacon, and extra toasty home fries, prepared exactly the way you love them. I thought it would be fantastic if, after enjoying our meal, we could head up to the lighthouse. You've always adored walking up those spiral stairs to watch the breathtaking views of the ocean," he said, while lightly sitting on the farthest edge of the bed and cleaning his glasses with a strand of his robe.

I used to like that. That's the difference... Now I like a bagel topped with strawberry cream cheese—an ideal choice for a light and convenient breakfast in my eyes. And who even enjoys sunny-side-up eggs? The texture alone is gross, and at this point, the previous version of myself seems like a strikingly distinct contrast to who I am now.

"Yeah, thanks dad. I'd love that, but I'm meeting with a friend later, so I hope you don't mind," Amber replied, pushing the fluffy covers aside.

"You have a new friend Amber!!! That's amazing, I'm so happy for you! Yeah, forget about the lighthouse thing, that can wait. But you must tell me more about your friend!" Amber's dad's head cocked as he continued to blow and clean his glasses.

"Pass. I mean I don't know how long we'll be friends since I literally just met this person yesterday."

"Alright then, but just know I'll be curious again, and by then, you won't be able to skip my lingering questions of curiosity!" Amber's dad babbled as she made her way out of her room and into the dining room, where the once-enjoyable meal now lay appetizingly on the table.

"Thanks mom. It looks... delish." Amber gave a lopsided grin as her mom walked towards her with a cheeky grin. Her blonde hair was curled up with rollers, and she was wearing a bright yellow summer dress that made her freckles stand out more.

"Thanks baby. I hope you like it. I overheard you and your dad in the other room, and I'm bummed out that you won't be able to check out the lighthouse today with us. But that's fine because I also heard that you have a new friend that maybe you should tell your father and I about."

Amber poked at her eggs watching the yoke spill like a volcanic eruption over a city that laid beside it. "Yeah, I mean why is it so shocking that I have a new friend? Didn't I have friends before I got all fucked up?"

Amber watched her mom's smiley grin slowly fade. There was silence for a brief moment until her dad suddenly appeared voicing, "Hey you! Don't speak like that to your mother. We are just excited for you, that's all."

"Yeah, excuse my language. Just got a little overwhelmed I guess." Amber exclaimed, hastily stuffing the egg whites into her mouth, feigning the persona of the Amber her parents had once recognized, all to please them. This had become her routine ever since she returned home from the hospital. She vividly recalled the sorrowful gazes and the emotional distance her parents displayed when she showed perplexity, unable to match the personality of the previous Amber. Therefore, she had made a silent vow to herself, determined to mimic the other Amber's personality as closely as possible, for the sake of her parents' well-being. Witnessing their deepened sadness during those initial days at the hospital, when she awakened from her coma and behaved differently, had been unbearable. Since then, she had strived to appear more composed and conventional, prompting her parents to treat her as if she were the same old Amber—the person who no longer existed. They clung to the hope that treating her as the previous Amber would aid in the recovery of her lost memories, though that outcome remained elusive. If anything, it only exacerbated the sense of detachment she felt from her former self. Even the doctor had conveyed that her dissociative amnesia was so severe that the chances of regaining her memories were slim to none, but her parents remained trapped in their own delusions.

"It's okay sweetie. I know it's not easy for you after coming from the hospital, and I'm proud of you for trying your best to act okay even though at times it may not feel that way." Amber's mother pitifully smiled, leaning in to kiss Amber's head before returning to the kitchen.

Amber's dad sat across from Amber, while now holding a cup of coffee. "Yeah, honey you know we still love you so much and that's also why we get excited for little things like you making more friends. It has nothing to do with the incident that happened either."

Although, it does have to do with the incident you liar. Who knows how I really was before I forgot almost all of my memories, but I have a feeling that I was some loner who probably had no friends, and that's why me now having friends is such a shocker! Even though I'm also not the other Amber anymore!

Amber nods with crinkled eyes, and munches on the burnt bacon. "Yeah, you guys are right. To be honest, lately I feel like my older self even though that doesn't make sense because I barely can remember my memories. But even so, I feel closer to her than ever before, and it's because of you guys. Even this dish tastes so good! Like of course this would be my favorite breakfast meal!" Amber's stomach twisted uncomfortably as she spit those falsities to her parents.

Her parents with broad grins and flashing eyes exchanged looks. They then bolted from where they were and wrapped their arms around Amber, forming a tight group hug.

"Love you pumpkin." They both let out.

"Love you too." Amber mumbled under her breath. You (actually) love the other Amber.