I can't keep doing this. I'm so tired of pretending to be happy and be someone I am not... well more like being with someone I am not. I've been doing the dumbest shit ever and pretend to have a boyfriend. I've posted photos of a guy I have no idea who he is. I've been pretending to be in a relationship that makes me feel loved and happy. But that's all fake. All those photos are fake. All those text messages are fake. All those dates are fake. All those gifts are fake. All that love is fake. Everything is fake. Everything I've been doing is for you. My dumb-self thought that maybe if I pretended to have a boyfriend you would get jealous and try to get me back. But no! oh god how naive can I be? I've been doing this for about four months. Four months of just wasting my time. I feel and know I have to let you go. But I can't I don't want too. No matter how much I remind myself you're not worthy and that I'll end up hurt I don't listen. I used to think that I might be getting over you while doing all the "boyfriend" thing. Because I was lying to myself and pretend to be happy with another guy. But then it hit me. Everything is fake. That boyfriend doesn't exist. Have I lost my mind? I think I need help but I don't know how to get help. I'm not okay.
Mar. 14, 2023 12:36am
