Finding Ryder

Chapter 8

Jessica POV

I must have drifted off at some point. The moment awareness comes back to me, awakens my senses, I realize I am alone in my bed. The light of day is sneaking through the blinds, and the ache permeating through my body and soul comes rushing rapids after the spring snowmelt. It was not a nightmare, but an ugly reality. The hurt is physical.

I met my mate, my Goddess fated male. A male who mated to another female.

I am still confused about what exactly that means. Is it just fucking between them. Do they make love? What promises did they make to one another? Did he mark her, how could he? It is an impossibility and yet my reality. Does she poison her wolf too? Another unwanted thought about the female whose throat I want to sever from body.

Throat scratchy, eyes itchy, I sit up on my bed taking inventory of the mangled mess I am.

Body physically hurts, check.

Emotions are hollow, check, and double check.

Rage on simmer, check.

Like a ripe peach, I think sarcastically.

I groan out loud. A fucking run on four paws would do me wonders but I don't dare shift to fur until that male is off my grass and shore. Dragging my sorry self to the shower I avoid the large mirror like the wolf plague, and keep the spray of water on ice cold. The icicles fee like the kiss of my male's heart. Bathe in it bitch, you will feel better.

Slightly invigorated, in body at least I dress for war. Light blue jeans, holes worn in from natural wear and tear and a flaming pink T-shirt with a bold FUCK YOU in black. My one attempt at feminine attire was an utter failure. If the dress wasn't so fucking beautiful I would burn it. But it is not mine, so I made a note to get it cleaned and returned to its rightful owner. Not me. Never again.

Yesterday broke me. He broke me. But the full breakdown of my core will need to wait a couple of days. I have a fucking job to do. I allowed myself a night of wallowing, and now it's time to get shit in order. I have days, maybe a week to secure the West.

Facts are I don't know what Ryder will do next. I will have to deal with him at some point. It will be a battle, and while I have a rough plan in mind, currently avoiding him is high on my priority list.

I run downstairs and find my brother, Brutus, Aliah in an intense discussion with the Bata of the East. Here we go. I mentally prepare myself and step into the large room.

Conner's eyes find me first and a small smile appears on his lips just as Brutus lets out a loud snort.

"Figures." Brutus laughs at my outfit choice, hugging Aliah close to his side. The smile on his face doesn't reach his eyes. He is worried about me. They all are. I stand taller, firmer in my spine, shoulders rod straight, no bend to give. Fuck him! My message to my pack is clear.

"Sister, you slept well!" it's really a question even as he poses it as a statement. I slept, thank you. I send via our mind link and give an affirmative nod.

"Did I interrupt something?" looking over at the Bata of the East pack who looks like he swallowed a fat frog.

"We were just discussing last minute mate exchange details." Bata replies.

"Ah, very well. Continue, please." I grab some water from the table and fill a full cup.

"Are you hungry Jess? Aliah asks, clearly nervous. Whatever the discussion was, clearly all of them are not eager to continue it in my presence. I raise my eyebrows at her and down my glass of water.

"No love, still full of bear." My smile is feral. Brutus and Conner return it in kind. Our brand of comradery is firmly in place.

"Jessica" Aliah is slightly annoyed with me already and tries in her peacekeeping ways to get me to cooperate.