cant stop thinking about you. (jacksons diary)

chapter 1.

chapter 1.
exers pov.

I layed in my bed, hugging my pillow, pretending it was david. I didnt know what had changed about him, but i cant get my mind of him. he was just..so beautiful.

i noticed the time, it was already 1 am. ive been losing sleep reccently. i didnt even try to sleep. i knew it was no use trying.

for some reason, my eyes started to water. why was i crying? theres nothing to cry about. i sat, in silence, staring st my ceiling, water pouring down from my eyes. i hugged my pillow, tight, crying into it. i cant even handle my own feelings.

why? i ask myself. why? just why? why to everything? why were things changing? why were my feelings changing? why were my powers getting worse? why am i like this? why am i such a baby? i hate myself. i hate everything. i hate everyone. well.. that last one was a lie. i hate almost everyone.

i reach for my walkman, but i feel down and theirs two, next to eachother.

i pick them up, one says "EXER ⭐️" the second one saying "DAVID!!" on it. looks like david left his when he came over. my face grows red as i put it on seeing what song it would play.

the song sounded.. sad. it was slow, and had mostly long notes. i quickly took them off, wiping my soon-to-be tears.

"oh, god." i said, realizing i would have to return it to david. what would i even say? "oh yeah you left you walkman at my house with the saddest song in history in in"?? i dont even want to face david. i mean, how could i? i literally told him he was my favorite person. i mean, i wasnt lying but thats totally creepy!!

i checked the clock again, it read 2:50 am. i sighed and shut my eyes. i didnt want to think anymore.

392 words.
inspired by some ao3 stories. dont remember wich ones though- lol