From Grief We grew (Only On Wattpad)

Chapter 41 Bea

I look at him tryna read his expression. I feel my heart pounding against my ribs. I don’t see it. No lust. What is it then? I remember the sly smile my ex had when I went to his house that day. Hayden’s smile is soft. No lust. I repeat his words in my head. “If you will let me, I want to kiss every freckle on your body to show you how much I’m in love with each one of them.”  If you will let me. I have a choice. I can say no. But I find myself nodding. I trust him. I can imagine it happening already in my head. His lips kissing me in places he has never kissed me. I feel anxious and dizzy.
 
   I place my hand on his shoulder and whisper, “Carry me because one more move and my knees are gonna give up.” He chuckles and picks me up in one swift movement. I bury my face in his chest. I feel my cheeks heating up.
 
   He lays me on the bed and hovers over me. I grip the sheets nervously. “Just say enough and I will stop.” I nod and let go of the sheet.
 
   He first kisses the freckles on my forehead. Then my cheeks and nose. Slowly moving along my jawline and kissing me down to my neck. With every kiss, my heart skips a beat. Or maybe it's dancing in joy. It's like his lips have strings attached to my heart that he slowly tugs with every kiss. Every beat is a step of joy. A tug closer to him.

   Now and then he pulls away to look at me. He waits and I nod assuring him I’m okay. But am I? I can’t concentrate. My heart keeps racing and I feel like I’m dazed.
 
  He slowly licks my neck and sucks on my skin. I place my hand on his chest. I feel something twist in my stomach. I let out a heavy breath. His lips stay put while his hands move down. His fingers gently caress my arms. He starts nibbling on my neck and tugs on my skin adding pressure. A soft whimper escapes my lips. Once he is done, he pulls away and looks at me. I nod and I bite my bottom. He breaks eye contact and smirks. What is he looking- oh. The Hickey... I want to cover my face but I can’t. I helplessly blush.
 
   He just keeps looking at me and I wonder What is he looking at? Did I do something wrong?
 
   “Mmm, I’m just memorizing every freckle you.” Shit did I say that out loud. Luckily I don’t have to hide the embarrassment. He goes back to kissing my shoulders. His hand moves to my waist and then goes to my breast. He lightly squeezes it making me moan. His lips kiss along the hem of my dress. I find myself breathing very slowly. I can feel his heart beating against my palm.
 
  He pulls away and looks at me. “Should I stop? Or do you want me to kiss you further?” His hand rests on my stomach. Just like a hundred horses pass through. Ah, what is he doing to me!? I feel him drawing small patterns with his fingers.
 
   I don’t trust my words so I just nod. He pulls away and I sit up. He moves his hand to my back and I start to panic. Are we gonna have sex? I don’t want him to see me naked! I grab his hand. “I-I- can I keep my dress down just halfway?” I manage to say. I look at him anxiously but he only smiles. He doesn’t get angry. Instead, he kisses my forehead. “I only want to do what you want,” he tells me.
 
   But what do I want? I don’t know. I don’t want sex but I also don’t want him to stop. He unzips my dress. I find myself unbuttoning his shirt. He looks at me. “I want to be with you.” I don’t know what I mean by that but he seems to understand. He nods. I shyly pull my dress down exposing my chest. I place my hand over my breast and look down.
 
   He doesn’t pull my hands away to ogle at my chest. Instead, he just says, “Turn around.” I look at him again. Love. Still love. I nod and turn around. I feel his cold fingers running down my spine. I shudder and close my eyes. He starts kissing my shoulder blades. His hair tickles my neck. His hands wrap around my waist. His palms rest on my bare stomach. I feel it twist again.
 
   His lips gently move along my back discovering spots that I never knew I had. I found myself moaning from his touch. Craving more. Wanting him to kiss me more. My body was like a hidden island that he is now curious to find every secret location on it. And I allow it.
 
    Eventually, his lips move back to my neck. He nibbles and sucks on the back of my neck making me whimper. My hand is still over my chest. He doesn’t dare to invade the territory yet. He only whispers softly, “Turn around whenever you are ready.” My heart skips another best. His chest is pressed against my chest as he holds me dearly. I find safety in his gentleness. So I turn around.
 
   “Lie down.” I nod and lie down. I feel the panic rise in me again. He looks at me waiting. I remove my hand slowly. He hovers over me again and kisses my lips. I wrap my arms around his neck and hold him close to me. I open my mouth letting him slide his tongue. Our kiss gets deeper with every second. I feel the last bite of fear slipping away.

   His hands gently caress my stomach. They move to my waist and trace my curves. I softly moan. Slowly they find their way to my chest. I stay still. He traces the outline of my bra with his fingers. Then they move to my collarbone. It feels like he is memorizing me like a blind man.
 
   Soon his fingers get replaced by his lips. He starts kissing my face and my neck again before moving to my collarbone. Slowly training over to my chest. My heart beats unsteadily as his lips linger over it. He only kisses the skin exposed. He kisses along my bra line but doesn’t dare to move it. He sucks on the exposed skin just above my heart making me moan.

   My hands try to mimic his hands and trace his skin. I stroke his back unsure of what to do. I feel him using his teeth and I know tomorrow I will find a mark there. I blush and bury my face in the pillow.
 
   He moves to my torso. I squirm a little trying to adjust to the tingling sensation. He keeps going. My stomach twists and unfolds. I moan softly. His lips move lower and I look down. He looks up and smiles. His hand rests on my thighs. Is he going to remove my dress? He doesn’t. He simply says, “I'll give special attention to the rest another day.” My heart skips a beat. You are gonna be the reason I’d go crazy, Man.
 
   He lies beside me and pulls the covers over us. “You can pull down or pull up your dress.” I nod and remove my dress under the sheet. I kick it away before scooting closer to him. I nuzzle into his chest as I blush. I hear a soft chuckle escape his lips too. He wraps his arms around me and kisses my head. I throw my hands and legs around him too. Even though my heart is still racing, I feel calm. My mind is at ease. I kiss his chest before yawning.
 
   I lift my head and look at him. He grins. “I love you. I love you so much,” I whisper.
 
   “I love you too Bear.”
 
   I blush at my nickname and nuzzle into his chest. “Good night.”
 
   “Good night, my love.”