The Eagle and The Snake: A Tragic Love Story

54. Guilt

After killing their first man, Luna and Carly headed up to her room in complete silence.
Both of them were stunned at what had just happened, and what they had been forced to do.
When they had woken up that day, neither of them had expected to kill someone, especially not Cornelius Fudge.
They were shocked at their own actions, and also scared at how easily killing had been for them.
Barty had told their whole class, while pretending to be Moody, that the Killing Curse was a very powerful spell, and if they all fired it at him, he wouldn't get so much as a nosebleed. Because, to perform such an evil and unspeakable act, it requires a very dark soul.
So, the fact that the girls were able to do it so easily, and with very little encouragement, frightened them.

"Are you O.K?" Carly asked Luna, after several minutes of them sitting in silence on the edge of her bed.
"Hmm" mumbled Luna.
"Because you don't seem it... And if you're not O.K, you can tell me, you know. Because I'm not sure I am O.K either" admitted Carly.
"You're not?" Questioned Luna.
"No. And after what we've just done, it's no suprise that we're feeling a little out of sorts"
"That's one way way of putting it".

"I expect all of the death eaters felt the same way, after killing their first person too" said Carly.
"All of them?" Questioned Luna.
"O.K maybe not the dark lord, or Aunt Bella. But most of the other, more ordinary death eaters, were probably also a little shocked after being forced to commit murder for the first time. Not everyone takes so naturally to killing" answered Carly.
"But that's just the thing, we did take naturally to it. We successfully performed the Killing Curse on our first attempt. And without much persuasion from the dark lord, to do so. What exactly does that say about us?"
"That we are willing to do whatever it takes to stay alive. Just like most people are".

"Most people aren't forced to murder an unarmed man, whom they barely know" countered Luna.
"He was the Minister for Magic. He was the head of the government that we so despise. The very government that keeps us apart. So, you can hardly say that we didn't know him" replied Carly.
"We knew of him, but we didn't know him personally. We only saw him a handful of times from a distance. We knew him more from his actions and his reputation. It's not like with Umbridge, where we saw her every day, and personally suffered at her hand. It is so easy to cause her pain, every other day, because it's payback for the way she treated us. But it's not the same for Fudge, since we didn't really know him".

"So, you're feeling guilty about killing an unarmed prisoner, who hasn't personally wronged you, is that it?" Asked Carly.
"I guess so. I also feel guilty, because of how easy it was to kill him. I didn't even have to think too hard about it, I just did it. And another reason I feel guilty, is because I don't feel worse about my actions. I mean, I just killed a guy. Shouldn't I feel extremely sad that a man is dead because of me? Instead of thinking about him and his family, I'm more concerned with how I've been effected by his death, when I'm his murderer" answered Luna.

"Well, you shouldn't feel bad, about what we did, because that man was not innocent. He committed terrible acts as Minister. He tried to have Sirius killed, and he led a smear campaign against Harry. And just because these actions didn't directly effect you, is doesn't mean he was a good person. Besides, we didn't end his life early or anything. The dark would've killed him anyway if we weren't around,  once he had finished torturing him. So, you should not feel guilty about Fudge's death" insisted Carly.
"I don't think guilt is something we have any control over. I think it's one of those feelings we can't control" admitted Luna.

"Well, I disagree. I like to think that I have complete control over all my own feelings... I choose to love you, and nothing could ever stop me. Because my feelings for you are so strong" announced Carly.
"As are mine for you" replied Luna.
"Then that is all that matters... We did what we had to today, for each other. The world we want will only exist if we fight for it. If we had refused to kill Fudge, the dark lord would have decided that he can't trust us. And if he didn't kill us for disobeying him, he would've stopped including us in his plans. He might've even threatened not to change the law when he becomes Minister, unless we killed Fudge. We have no say in our actions anymore. We do what our dark lords commands us to do".

"Now that he knows we can use the Killing Curse and perform it well, he is likely to make us kill lots more people in the future" admitted Luna quietly.
"Yes, and I have a feeling it won't be long before he makes us kill Umbridge. He might even force us to do it before we go back to Hogwarts, so that she isn't left down there until we come back for Christmas. To tie up loose ends, so to speak" replied Carly.
"But we go back to Hogwarts in less than a week. He can't surely expect us to have killed another person before then" frowned Luna.

"He might do. He might even want us to kill a person by ourselves, since we only killed Fudge together. He might bring someone else in, and order one of us to kill Umbridge, and the other to the second prisoner. Maybe he might make us kill Ollivander as well" suggested Carly.
"No. Don't say things like that" shuddered Luna.
"He might though" Carly said softly.
"I don't think I could've killed Fudge without your help earlier. I needed you by my side"
"I will always be by your side. Even if my wand is pointing at someone else, I will still be at your side, supporting you"
"Good, because I couldn't do any of this without you".

Carly pulled Luna onto the bed, and the pair laid in his each others arms, holding the other close.
"I'm sure you would be alright without me. You're the strongest person I know" murmered Carly.
"That's a pretty big compliment coming from you" admitted Luna.
"Well, it's the truth. You lost your mother at a young age, and then came to Hogwarts where everyone picked on you for being different. You've had to face a lot of hardships" replied Carly.
"As have you. You also lost your parents"
"I was too young to remember them. So, it's not the same as losing someone you were close to".

"You lost Sirius" reminded Luna.
"Yes, but at the time he was threatening to hand us both over to the Ministry of Magic" countered Carly.
"That doesn't stop you from loving and missing him though" replied Luna.
"No, I guess it doesn't. Which is probably why I feel guilty about his death"
"It wasn't your fault though. Sirius chose his path, and there was nothing you could have done to get him on ours. And in the end, it was his beliefs that killed him, not you. You also didn't ask Bellatrix to defend you, by killing Sirius"
"I guess we both have our own guilt to deal with, my Atlantis"
"I suppose we do, my Star".