The Potions Master and I

Chapter 31

The next week was quite uneventful despite my run-in with my old flame.
It set me on edge that I hadn't even heard from anyone that he was at Hogwarts. What was he up to?
I had this odd feeling that I was being watched, that someone was following me through the halls, observing my every move. I chalked it up to my paranoia and anxiety and didn't mention it to Severus. Things with my potions master were going swimmingly now, and I didn't want to worry him with something pointless.

Though Severus was the most relaxed I had ever seen him, Cedric on the other hand was not fairing so well. He looked tense, exhausted, a dim version of his typical golden self. I had never seen him with bags under his eyes, a perpetual look of stress marring his angular face. He had looked that way ever since I confessed my kiss with Sirius.

I was both relieved and regretful when I explained the story to Cedric the morning after the Hogsmeade incident. I wanted to take the words back, pretend none of it had happened, but yet felt such peace at finally sharing my secret with my friend. I wished I had told him sooner.

"He did what? Iris, why didn't you tell me?" He looked appalled, thankfully not at me, but at my recollecting of Sirius's actions.

"I was so confused and...ashamed, and hurt. I didn't want anyone to know." I picked at the lace on my dress as I sat next to Cedric on the floor, occasionally looking back up to see his reaction.

"Did Snape or Lupin do anything? Do they know?"

"I'm sure Lupin does though I've never spoken to him about it. It was quite obvious what had transpired when I ran out of the kitchen." I hesitated when it came to Severus. Cedric knew him as my tormentor, the uncaring, unfeeling dungeon bat who sucked the life out of me for months. I wanted to paint a different picture of him now. Prove he wasn't the villain in my story but needed to tread carefully. I couldn't give myself away by being too obvious, but I couldn't bring myself to slander him any longer.

"Iris, what of Snape?" Cedric implored when he saw my pause. He looked nervous to hear what I had to say.

"At the time he was angry. He threatened Sirius, but when he brought me back to the castle he wouldn't even look at me, just told me to get out." I admitted, the look of strife and fury Severus had that night flashing in my mind. I shivered as Cedric let out an aggravated huff.

"That git." He snapped, but I placed my hand on his tense arm to calm him.

"He has since been very understanding." Cedric's expression changed from outraged, to absolute shock.

"Come again?" He tilted his head as he assessed me.

"It took a while, but when the subject came up again, he allowed me to explain what happened. And he actually listened." I giggled at my friend's face.

"I don't even know what to say, Iris." He shook his head. "I wished you would have been honest with me. Is that why our...um...our kiss affected you the way it did?" He stumbled over his words before covering his face. "Oh, Merlin I'm such a dunce."

"No, no Cedric you are not! Yes, that was part of the reason I reacted the way I did but it was not because I felt taken advantage of by you." I tried to console him, though I was completely thrown off by the subject change.

"I wish you would have told me." His tone was not accusing, but it was hurt for sure. "I wouldn't have done what I did had I known. I wouldn't have allowed Black to even look at you if I had known. I'm your best friend. You can tell me anything. It stings knowing that Prof Snape was of more comfort to you than I could have been." Ouch. Now I was the one lost for words.

I felt like I had been punched in the gut. If only he knew why Snape was the one comforting me now, defending me. He wouldn't be looking so sympathetic. If Cedric felt this betrayed by my lack of honesty now, I couldn't even imagine what would happen if I confessed my affair with Severus to him. I could never.