Somnia | $crim

6. Rapid Eye Movement

May 7th, 2015

"Wait," you interjected. "What happened to your parents?"

"Oh," I sighed, sinking into the hot, pleather seats. Somebody had just walked through the door, letting a burst of warm, sticky air into the otherwise chilly room. "She's, uh..." You caught me off guard since you usually didn't press any questions that I dodged about my circumstances, so I didn't have my response rehearsed...but I was tired of feeling ashamed about it. "My mom is doing some time in Michigan. Anyway, Hannah brought it up that night, like thanks for reminding me."

I wasn't there when my mom was arrested. It was almost exactly a year ago, while I was still in New York City, and I remember it clearly. In a panic, Carmen called me after her mom saw cop cars lighting up our street. My siblings were at school, and I was in my animation class. Reminiscent of my childhood, I had to pack up my things in a hurry and leave my life in New York behind. I didn't want to, but there wasn't another choice. My siblings would've ended up in foster care, so I had to step up. We do what must, to survive.

My mom spent a lot of our childhood in and out of detox and psych hospitals. She kept it well hidden from us but, in retrospect, the signs of her declining health were there. She was charged with drug trafficking and sentenced to fifteen years in prison. She'll miss our graduations. She's already missed many of Troy's milestones. She'll never get back the years that she'll forgo seeing us flourish.

"Oh, shit...fuck, that's rough," you sighed. You reached across the table and put your hand on mine as comfort. "Is that why you came back from New York?"

"Yeah," I replied. "My grandmother is old and couldn't take them, so I had to do something. I worked hard to get into school, so it felt awful leaving the program." You asked me what I was majoring in. "I was studying filmmaking. I want to make movies. My mom didn't really care for me going into the arts, especially not making movies. She doesn't see it as very 'rewarding'. I was supposed to graduate this year, but I needed a job that will make money now, not in a few years, so I got my CNA certification. I guess it just wasn't meant to be."

"I've told you about my music, right?" you asked. I nodded my head, but you hadn't shown me any of it thus far. "Maybe I'll show you some on the way home... But I hated a regular 9 to 5 job and I'm so glad I got fired and went with my music; it's the best decision I've ever made. I think that if you have a talent and a passion, go for it. Do what you need to do, whatever's best for your family, but do you really want to spend the rest of your life in the hospital?"

I pondered for a moment, only to conclude that you have a valid point. I haven't even been able to handle the past year at the hospital, imagine the next 40 years! I've wanted to make movies ever since I saw Donnie Darko and knew I wanted to create the same emotion in countless audiences. I enjoyed putting my thoughts onto paper and then onto a screen in a way no one had ever seen before. I finally got a way into the industry but all the signs in the universe told me it wasn't right. I have a family to support now.

We finished up our meal and headed out. By now, the sky had faded to an inky black, with a few white flakes speckled across the canvas. Most of the other people had dispersed for the night, leaving only the two of us and the steady hum of the streetlights above our heads.

You drove me home, telling me all about your career with Aris. You played me a few of your newest songs, which wasn't really my style, but I liked it. I appreciated the vulnerability of the melancholy lyrics, paired with the beat you produced. Though, with a name like $uicideboy$, I might have to leave that part out if it goes far enough to tell my mom about you.

"Since you showed me your art, do you want to see some of my art?" I hesitantly asked.