Step to the Beat of My Heart

“Jay has one of the most beautiful voices I’ve ever heard in my life.”

That sentence has been on repeat in Jay’s head every day since he’s heard it. He wishes that he could just forget about it, get over the compliment and move on with his life, but he’s stuck. Being a trainee, he feels as though he gets more criticism than compliments in his day-to-day, and even when someone says something nice, it really is just that, nice. Having someone say something so wonderful like that about him, and so casually as if it were a fact of life, is affecting him. Top it off with Beomhan being the one to say it, and you have effectively scrambled Jay’s emotions for the foreseeable future. It really shouldn’t be a big deal, after all, Beomhan is his friend and probably feels inclined to say kind things about him, especially in front of a crowd of fans. But that’s kind of the point, Beomhan is his friend and praised his singing in front of more than a hundred people. It’s making Jay feel things that he's been desperately trying not to for the last few months, and thinking about it constantly truly isn’t helping anything.

Like right now, when he’s supposed to be listening to Beomhan talk about…something he can’t remember.

“-And then I was like, ‘what do aliens have to do with GMOs?’ but I don’t even think she was listening to me at that point. She just kept going on and on about how important it is to eat organic, and I was like ‘Mom, you need to stop worrying so much about my diet.’ But I guess that’s just how parents are, you know?” Beomhan says, looking at Jay with that doe-eyed expression on his face as he waits for a response.

They’ve been hanging out in the dorms for the night, talking mostly. The original idea was to watch one of the many movies their fans had recommended, but what started out as a little chit-chat turned into endless conversation. Jay doesn’t really know how they ended up on Beomhan’s bed, him laying across it on his stomach with his chin propped up in his hand and Beomhan sitting with his knees to his chest. That’s kind of how it works between them, though, to wind up talking for hours about nothing and getting completely lost in it. But it’s nice and it’s them and it’s not something that Jay really has with anyone else.

Jay blinks rapidly as his brain tries to catch up with what’s going on. “Uh, yeah, totally,” He clears his throat and shakes his hair out, then gives Beomhan a little smile. “Parents will be like that.”

Beomhan squints at Jay and purses his lips like he’s trying not to laugh.

“You zoned out again, didn’t you?” Beomhan asks.

“Yeah,” Jay huffs, “I did, sorry.”

Beomhan shrugs then adjusts himself so his back rests properly against his bed’s headboard. “It’s alright, man. I know how your mind gets sometimes.”

Jay chuckles, “Yeah, but I still feel bad about it. I know how much it means to you when someone listens, like actually pays attention. And as your friend, that’s what I'm supposed to do for you.”

Beomhan stretches forward to pat Jay’s back, “And you are doing a fantastic job at it. So what if you’ve been getting distracted a lot? You try your best to be there for me and that’s what matters.”

Jay smiles and nods, ready to move on to a different subject, but his brain catches on to something. He frowns and gets up from his position, readjusting himself so his legs are crossed under him and he’s facing Beomhan properly.

“What do you mean by that? That I have been getting distracted a lot? Like more than usual?”

Beomhan looks away then back at Jay, nodding slowly, “Yeah? You haven’t noticed? Literally every time we talk nowadays your eyes get that faraway look for a few seconds before you snap out of it. I don’t always mention it because it comes and goes so quickly, but yeah, it’s a regular occurrence.” He juts his bottom lip out slightly and looks away in thought, then speaks again, “Come to think of it, your face always gets a little red when it happens. I don’t know what sort of embarrassing thing happened to you recently, but whatever it is I’m sure it’s not that bad.”