Manan - Sunshine to her darkness

Attack

***Trigger warning***
Anyone who has issues have to skip this update.
Because writing this gave me panic attack, the sounds around me got muted by the time I ended this update but this is a small awareness that whoever feels this emotions have to rant your heart to someone close to you, meaning- you are having something that is hurting you and you are not healed if this chapter really affects you!!!

Nandini

I was taken aback by Nyonika aunty’s sudden hug.

I remember a few memories of them and each of them was really sweet.

Abhimanyu even showed a few pictures of them holding me and damn, my eyes glowed like fireflies.

I hugged her back, feeling strangely home. Because I never felt it until today.

Every memory of everyone has wiped away the moment my eyes fell on Manik from the mirror. I was too lost to see who was in the front and damn my throat went dry, my heart started beating so loud and I was never this embarrassed in my whole existence.

“Uh- thank you aunty” I said, feeling strangely emotional, because Nandini Murthy stopped feeling emotions until it’s Abhimanyu and my heart is cracking slowly, I can afford that.

“Call me mom Nandu” She said, breaking the hug as she kissed my forehead and damn, a traitor tear escaped my eyes, making me angry at myself, but luckily no one saw it except aunty and I instantly wiped my lone tear.

Emotions feel so foreign. My breath stuck when her words settled down.

Mom? I stopped calling my own mother mom when I realised she doesn’t fit the title. I address her as mother, that feels more formal and enough respect for giving me birth.

Take me as a bitch, but I can’t just call my birth mother mom or anything endearing.

“Maa-'' My voice broke slightly, the word rolling on my tongue feeling so foreign. Mom feels so formal with Nyonika malhotra and I love her really.

My eyes instantly went to Mukti, I know she is adopted and I have to make sure she doesn’t feel anything wrong with this and damn, the breathtaking smile she gave me just filled my heart.

I extended my hand to her. She grinned before hugging me and aunty- maa.

A click of a shutter made me snap my head and I instantly looked at the side. Abhimanyu and Cabir.

“Bhaiyu you know I hate taking pictures” I argued when Rajveer Malhotra, the man who could get an award for the most-time-I-have-straight-and-cold-face smiled at me. The little me. I blinked, breaking the hug.

“Little Don” He addressed me with the nickname he did when I was a kid, embracing me warmly and this time I cried. I literally cried.

“Papa..” a sob escaped my throat.

“How are you bacche?” He cooed like I’m a baby and the coldness of my heart cracked a little more.

“I missed you” I admit, these memories didn’t float in my mind regularly when I was in New York, because knowing my father who told me not to connect to them because of threats hurted me and thinking them hurted to a point where it was physical pain because of the bullying I endured.

“I missed you too little one, we are not letting you go again” he ran his hand through my hair, my heart tightened at his words.

“You are a curse, everyone you go to get hurt and leave you one day” the words echoed in my ears, making my eyes shot up, my breaths immediately went higher, the haunting voice hammering in my head, my body going cold and numb.

“No” I muttered

“No, no, no” My voice was barely a whisper, my head shaking from left to right, trying to get rid of the words and voice, the visuals and memories, my body trembling as tears spilled unknowingly, like I’m watching myself cry from being in someone else’s body.

“Nandini” I could hear Abhimanyu yell. I palmed my ears, wriggling out of the hold, I could hear Abhimanyu near me but he felt so far away, god I can’t breathe.

“Baby doll” Abhimanyu. My heart hammered in my chest as I looked around, the place turning ten times closer, making it look like a small room and all the faces around me morphing into the faces that haunt me every night.

I was instantly on my knees, clutching my chest, my other hand fisting my skirt as my head spinned, my breaths coming in pants like I ran miles.

“Fuck, she is having a panic attack” Abhimanyu sounded horrified, his voice sounding so distant like I’m covered with a glass around me where no one can reach me, no one’s voice completely clear and close.

I could hear footsteps, too many approaching me and that gripped my heart with fear.

Fight Nandini, fight. You are strong, they are nothing but mere threats, you are safe.

What the fuck is triggering me so bad? I held my head, shaking it, trying to get  a grip over myself.

You can do this Nandini, you can, please. You are safe, nothing can harm you now, it’s four years ago.

“You can’t come to India, you are better there, you are having threats” My father’s stern voice boomed in my ears, turning my state more worse.

Dad, please, there are real threats here, I can’t take it, let me come back. I begged mentally, cried every time he refused to let me come.

“Nandini breath please” Mukti pleaded, her voice not clear, like she was even  out of the glass that was covering me.

Breath, my breaths are uneven. Fuck, how can I calm them down?

I was crashed into someone’s embrace, the chest hard and solid, the strong arms wrapped around me and instinctively, I tried to push them away.

No, it’s suffocating. Leave me. I can’t breathe. I can’t voice out my words like they are stuck, I wriggled, trying to get away from everyone.

The arms just went stronger around me, the cologne of the person filling my senses like panic does and out of nowhere, it is settling down.

I could hear yells around me of different voices that threw me into a frenzy in a split second. Then came silence.

I tried fighting, I did. My head was pressed into the chest I didn’t know whose, the heart beats of them silencing all the sounds and everything around stopped.

No more yells, only the heart beat. The cologne and the rhythm slowly robbed the senses out of me, I gave in.

I didn’t fight anymore, closing my eyes as I cried, sleeping out of nowhere suddenly embracing me, the sudden rush of panic threw me off guard, turning me completely exhausted.

I held on to whatever was holding me, my head suddenly feeling light as I fisted onto what seemed like jacket, my senses shutting down slowly as I realised my tears no longer flow too many, but sleep and darkness embraced me by then.

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***I told you not to read didn't I?***

Kabhi kabhi suno yaar itni curiosity acchi nahi hoti 1.1
now go hear any song that soothes you before you read another update