When It Ends For You, It Ends For Me

The Nightmare Ends

The door shoved open, and Tommy appeared, a paper grocery bag balanced in his hand. "Oh. Hey."

He frowned at the tear-streaked face of Ellie glaring at him and then his gaze settled on the furious face of his brother.

"Ah, brought a few things you might need," Tommy said lightly. "I - uh, I will leave you two to whatever you are doing."

"Sit."

"Pardon?"

It wasn't that Tommy hadn't heard his brother's growling command, but it was that he was startled by the tone. Joel had never used that tone before with him. "I said, sit your ass down."

"Joel," Ellie cautioned, laying a hand on his knee. "Joel, please."

"Ellie." His tone silenced her, and Tommy nodded. "Sure, Joel. I'll sit down."

"You knew."

Tommy's eyebrows rose and he looked at Ellie. An unspoken understanding passed between them, and Tommy's shoulders sagged. "Yeah. Yeah, I knew."

"You told me it wasn't real."

"Are you sorry it didn't work out the way you thought it would?" Tommy's voice clipped and rightly so. Joel knew he should say thank you, or something, after all, hadn't Tommy taken care of both him and Ellie while thy were so out of it that neither one of them could remember what happened? And he had patched Ellie up after all. That couldn't have been easy."

"No," Joel replied, raggedly. He looked at Ellie who still looked on the verge of tears. "No, I – I

"'m glad everything's alright," Joel replied. "Just confused is all."

Tommy leaned forward, resting his elbows on his knees, hands clasped.

"Joel, could I talk to you for a minute, outside?"

Joel glanced at Ellie, who rolled her eyes. "Sure, not like I'm involved in the whole damn thing, go ahead, I will wait here."

Joel's lips turned up for a second at the teenager sass and stood, grunting at the creaking of his knees and back.

"Getting fucking old, old man," Ellie smirked, offering him a hand.

He took it to balance himself. "Shut up. I'm 58 and I'm allowed to feel it. I saved your ass, didn't I?"

"Yes," she replied conversationally, following him toward the door that Tommy held open. "Technically, superman brother Tommy did, but hey, who's keeping score."

"I'm not," Joel replied in his gruff manner. "Now you, sit down and eat, the adults need to talk."

"Yes sir," she replied, turning on her heel. "Nobody ever tells me anything," she muttered, heading back toward the kitchen.

Tommy led Joel toward the barn, his stride long and stiff.

"Tommy, that the actual-" Joel started to speak but Tommy turned quickly, now face to face with the older man.

"No, Joel. Just fucking no. You let me talk for once. Have you lost your damn mind? Look, I know life has sucked for you basically from day one, but you live in such a world of fear that you act like you are just looking for a way out. All you talked about when you were out of your head with fever was how you were going to blow your fucking brains out, and how the fuck you think it made me feel, as your little brother, while I sat there for hours listening to that shit?"

"M' sorry you had to go through that," Joel replied gruffly, leaning his weight on one side, hands balanced on his hips. "But there's nothing we can do about it now. She's still Ellie and I'm still here."

"But why, Joel?" Tommy threw his hands up in the air. "Why would you just up and go out like that?"

"Tommy," Joel responded, his voice low with emotion. "Back off, 'kay. You have no idea what I have been through, and you probably never will. Just take the wins, alright?"

"Don't I fucking mean anything to you, Joel? Me, Tommy, your fucking little brother? You're flesh and blood?"

Joel tilted his head to one side. "That's what this is all about?"

"Explain to me how I am supposed to feel, dammit! Joel, you about ran off and did the stupidest thing you could have ever done, over some kid that isn't even yours!" The moment he said it, he saw the change in his brother's face, and Tommy knew he had fucked up and crossed a hard line.

"I think you need to leave now," Joel replied coldly, turning on his heel and heading for the house.

"Joel, come on man, I don't mean it like that."

"You said what you meant," Joel called over his shoulder.

"Ah, shit, Joel, come on man. You fucking scared me. I know you care about her-"

"Tommy. Go."

Joel tuned out his brother's protests and returned to the house where Ellie sat at the table eating her oatmeal. Wordlessly, he sat down at the other end where she had placed his portion and poured milk over the oatmeal.

"Joel?" Ellie asked softly.

"Leave it," he replied bluntly, taking a bite. He grimaced and spooned sugar over the heap. Damn raviolis were better than this stuff but he wasn't about to tell her that.

"Fine, don't got to be all fucking serious all of a sudden. Geez." she whispered, and he fixed her with one of his signature blank 'over-it' stares.

He watched her turn her attention back to her food, looking a little downcast, and he swallowed hard. He couldn't imagine losing her. He also couldn't imagine the pain she had felt at the thought he had wanted to end it all. How could he make her understand that she meant that fucking much to him?

"Ellie."

She looked up at him expectantly, a familiar expression he had come to know meant that she was going to pretend everything was fine.

He wasn't up to pretending today.

"I don't know what I would do without you, kiddo. I – I've gotten awfully attached to you. I – I wasn't myself. I was sick and in that time, I thought I had lost you. I should have better dealt with my emotions with Sarah, and I didn't and it messed me up. I'm sorry for that."

She was silent for a moment, studying the dripping oatmeal in her spoon, then nodded once.

"Okay."

"Look, I never meant to cause all this crap, I just wanted to get you the damn smores and help you paint the fucking pink walls and have Brian over for chili and all that shit. I didn't ask for flu and bears and stitching you up and blowing my brains out in my dreams."

"I know," she replied softly, her face twisted into something akin to grief. "But we fucking made it, right? We survived?"

"Yeah," he grunted. "Yeah, we made it."

"Don't ever fucking do that to me again? The planning on leaving part?"

He nodded. "Deal."

"You got to make up with Tommy."

"Look, he said some stuff-"

"Haven't we all?" She raised her eyebrows at him, taking another bite of oatmeal. Joel couldn't argue with that.

"I'll go see him this afternoon."

"Good." Ellie turned her full attention back to her plate.

Joel smirked. There was so much of Ellie that reminded him of Sarah, and of Tess. Strong, resilient, quick thinking, giving, and gentle. Perhaps there was something he could learn from her, while she also learned from him. Time would tell, he supposed.

But today, they had escaped the worst-case scenario. Sure, Ellie still had to heal physically, and he had to heal emotionally, but together, that would be the easiest thing they could do. The worst was done. The nightmare was over.

"Tommy got one thing right, you know," Joel remarked conversationally. Ellie raised hopeful eyes to his, and in them he saw an expression of hope that things were normal again and they were moving on.

Joel smiled.

"This is fucking wallpaper paste."