Just a dream.

He is not real.

The light of the morning sun pulls me back to reality as I jolt awake staring widely up at the ceiling as tears begin to fill my eyes. So it happened again. Another night dreaming of him, of no one but some guy I only seem to meet in my dreams. How cliche I presumed at first, he must be some guy I came upon a while ago popping back up in my mind or possibly he is from a book and I had just compiled a lot of celebrities and people I know to fit the book's description to imagine what he looks like. Ridiculous right? This guy means a lot to me, but he is not real how foolish and trivial and yet every dream is him. Pascal is a guy I feel myself falling for over and over again.

The room is quiet and filled with life and colours. The urge to pull the covers over my head and try to get some more sleep becomes a good idea but knowing there's going to be an alarm going off soon is disruptive- BAP the loud beat starts in my quiet room as my alarm sings it's the song. On autopilot, I get up, turn the alarm off, and head down for breakfast. Same routine just about every morning, I work alongside my college course to pay off the necessities it's an okay job, as good as a part-time job can be, not what I want to do in life but it helps. Eating breakfast I stare at my pre-ironed work uniform and note my lanyard on the table opposite me. I head off to work once ready, trying to ignore the memory of his voice from last night, "You won't ever have to worry about losing me, I'm here for you." His voice says in almost a whisper. I catch the bus and sit near the front pulling my book out of my bag, I open the page and remove my bookmark looking blankly at the page remembering last night's adventure and our conversation, how real it felt. How his hair gently swayed in the wind short around the sides but long on top with blue tips, how the cold was biting my face and fingers, the red on his cheeks and nose and that cheeky smile with his full lips. I smile to myself remembering how cold it was and how warm and tight my chest felt looking at him. I put my bookmark back in my book put it away and gathered my surroundings.

After work, I head to college working hard and hearing about everyone's amazing lives, all the holidays they have planned, all the anniversaries and wedding invites and sporting activities. I smile nodding along knowing it's another world than my own. Once college finishes I hang back in the library building, at college, finishing up some bits of work and adding bits from the lesson we had last, tidying up the loose ends. I check my phone no messages or notifications, not sure what I was expecting, I slip it back into my pocket heading for the bus to get back home. His voice pops up again in my head not the same line but part of it, I shrug it off 'aren't you supposed to forget dreams when you wake up' I question myself, feeling my heart ache slightly knowing I'm hoping that I never forget him or he never forgets me. Hanging up my college lanyard and bag I change for my next job and grab a hot chocolate for the walk up. Walking up with headphones in and sipping on my already lukewarm hot chocolate, the roads are full of cars all on their way home as I pass walking carefully along the pathway careful not to trip on the many cracks and dips in the pavement.

Finally home, door locked, I have some dinner noting down in my wellness diary my meals and overall state of mind I write 'losing my mind : )' and snarky scoff at myself, closing the book and looking around my parent's house. I quietly head up to bed changing, washing and scrubbing the day off my face, climb into bed and don't even feel my eyes close before I'm asleep.

Suddenly outside in some kind of woods, it's raining hard and I duck under a tree looking about for shelter knowing I need to be somewhere even though I'm not sure where I am. I notice a bus stop with stone coverage and hurry to swerve the trees one hand above my head and the other out in case I slipped, a hand laces the one outstretched and I look to my right and see him, water dripping off his hair and nose. He looks rushed and turns to face me scanning my face and then smiling. "Hello, stranger." He says his voice like silk, he turns his head facing forward and I feel lost for words. Just as we reach the stone bus stop the rain stops and we're left with a cloudy sky, it seemed to only rain in the forest part. I scoff and turn towards him letting go of his hand. "Thanks for getting me out of the rain." I thank and he chuckles nodding as he runs his fingers through his wet hair, his eyes are emerald green as he stares at me. "So what you doing here in the rainy woods?" I ask leaning against the stone wall, feeling the butterflies in my stomach and looking at him.
"Not sure, nice coincidence though." He states seemingly truthfully, with a shrug.
"Oh hey, what's your name again?" I ask remembering full well, loving hearing him say it.
"What do I look like?" He questions I look him over, he poses dramatically making me laugh.
"Hmm, a Tyler?" I joke, and he shakes his head in strong disagreement.
"I'm not that Tyler from your book, your joking! He's a tool!" He protests, I nod a little trying to keep a straight face knowing he isn't like the guy in my book at all, "I'm gonna mess your life up and act all tuff and rude then pull some but I'm all sensitive and stuff crap on you. You're not actually into that are you?" He impersonates, pulling a squinty tuff face.
I laugh, "not when you put it like that. But you still haven't answered my question."
He shifts moving a little closer to me making me stand up a little straighter, he puts his hands in his pockets. "Pascal, but you'll probably forget it again and you're Olivia or 'liv'."
"That's right, I'm glad you remember me." I smile looking away a little feeling vulnerable.