letters to sam • sgc

vi

"...my ex-wife."

I can feel my stomach drop at his words.

Maggie's still smiling, glancing between Sam and I with masked confusion.

"Lola was just here to get her mail," her tells her, and I watch as her eyes dart between our glasses on the coffee table and his hard to read expression.

He sets the box on the counter, crossing his toned arms over his chest, jaw set. I can't tear my gaze away from him, not knowing what to do, or how to feel after the entire mood of the last ten minutes was washed away in an instant.

I feel exactly the same as when I was standing in his driveway in my pajamas, his words trying to strangle me.

"I- I think I'm gonna go," I manage to spit out, standing up from the sofa.

He doesn't stop me, doesn't even look at me, just gives a small nod as I walk past him, grabbing my letters off of the counter.

"Nice to- nice to meet you!" I hear Maggie call behind me. I don't acknowledge it, instead focused on leaving, not bothering to shut either door behind me. The screen door slams as I make my way down the steps, and I doubt it was the wind.

The women were still outside, having moved to stand on the sidewalk. Maybe to make it look like they weren't preying on him, although anyone who knew them knew exactly what they were doing.

Instead of making my way back to the house, I find myself following the road. Out of the development, into a different area, into a different neighborhood.

I used to bike here with Sunny when I was little, but she always wanted to go to the park, while I wanted to go into the neighborhood and stand up on this big hill across from the river. But since she was older, we always went to the park. And then she grew up, so I would ride my bike by myself. And since we had always gone to the park, I just kept going.

One day I realized I didn't have to go to the park.

And so I walked my bike up to the hill, and sat under this big pine tree, and watched all of the trains passing next to the riverside in front of me.

I love trains.

They're fascinating.

I don't know what it is about them, but I could watch them for hours and not get bored.

I went less and less as I got older, but whenever I needed to just get away for a little bit, I would come here.

There's where I was now.

It was kind of stupid.

Just watching giant, loud crates of metal rattle by.

But I loved them.

I could hear them sometimes from the house; they were that loud. It was always exciting.

You could feel the wind this high up, too. It was freezing, honestly, no matter what time of year. But it was fantastic to just close your eyes and think, the wind sobering you from any delusional emotions.

I don't know why I was so uncomfortable when Maggie showed up. I mean, it was obvious Sam was uneasy. But I don't really know why.

It just felt like he was shunning me, or something.

Which was weird.

Maybe he didn't want her to think there was anything going on. Maybe he still felt faithful to her. That's how ma was- how she still is. Although I don't think Maggie cared either way. Sam was just...very good at being a jackass.