SCRIPTURIENT REVIEWS | OPEN

❄ Raindrops On Her Winter Hair | STARIS ❄

Author: ValerieEveDiestro

Book Title: Raindrops On Her Winter Hair

Reviewer: starisredy

i. Introduction and Disclaimer

- Hey there, Valerie! I've read three chapters of your book "Raindrops On Her Winter Hair."

- Quick reminder that I will not touch up (only nudges, if necessary) on the basic technical aspects of your book (grammar, spelling, punctuation, formatting). But I will touch everything else that falls under the flow of the writing. You can find this part in the third section of the review (iii. Writing Flow).

- Disclaimer: Everything I say here is my personal judgment based on my experiences. These are all my opinions on what I think will make your story better, but that does not mean you need to follow every suggestion I make. You can dismiss or heed any part of this according to what you think will improve your story. You are the author of this story and the only person to decide what is best for it.

ii. First Impression

- To start, your cover looks nice and fitting for a short story, like the cover of a little tale of something short and sweet. The consistency of using only up to two font families along with the girl with white (or 'winter hair') hair and the overall scheme of the cover, it looked pleasing to the eyes and easy to read the title. It is simple, has a fittingly cute aesthetic, and the feel it gives works.

- The title is quite unique. A bit too long for my personal taste, but I feel that it fits well with the book's coverage (short story length) and concept. It also fits well with the cover. Other than that, it gives a promise of something cute, short, and sweet inside.

- The blurb is also the same as the cover—simple and sweet. Short stories, again, I feel have different requirements for their blurbs, as they don't have too big and elaborate plots, they can end up as simple and concise as this gets. So, I find that this works. But it also feels a bit cliche, and some parts of it (mainly the thing about the watercolor painting) feel unnecessary. By that, I mean that it doesn't seem to have any relevance to the plot other than the connection of the color blue with her hobby and Wren's eyes. The blurb works, but I feel that it lacks punch, and enough impact to really pull a first viewer into opening up the book with interest. Cliche can be interesting, but it needs to have something somewhat different or promise to deliver something worth it despite the predictable storyline. I will suggest focusing on the relevance of events or things to be the ones mentioned in the blurb, and give more details (but not too much) as to why certain things matter. Also, something about the second paragraph ('Meeting him again in winter...') feels like a run-on sentence. So maybe rearranging points might work. But this formula for how much information you really have in the blurb right now, works well, too.

iii. Writing Flow

- There are some minor structure issues that involve redundant points being repeated to us. After reading all three chapters, I find that the entire book reads like a diary or a letter to someone—to Wren. That aside, whether that is your goal or not, it still reads that way, and if it's not ultimately your intention, you may need to consider whether you should change it to a different format or retain it that way. Either way, a story being written in diary format does not excuse everything we often see in other kinds of writing styles.

- To begin with, the writing style does feel quite cutesy, but like above, that doesn't excuse several things that can bother a reader while they read.

- Let's go over the emphasis. Emphasis is shown through capitalization, italicization, or making something bold. The little italics and bolds in several words or phrases throughout the book make sense, I think, but that doesn't mean they work completely. I understand why you want to emphasize those parts, but using them a bit too often in between short breaks can lower the impact in each emphasis. Not only that, it can be quite jarring to see different kinds of emphasis. I will suggest focusing only on using one or two kinds of emphasis, but ultimately just one. And only, really use it on areas that made an impact on the character—on Alaska. Mentioning the title doesn't need it emphasized, readers will get it. That's one example where the emphasis isn't needed. Try to think about whether an emphasis is really necessary or not.