Put That Kid Down

Chapter Thirteen

So, of course, Nurf's camp was the next day.

"Can't we just give him a hug and tell him it'll all be okay?" David prompted Gwen as she held the clipboard in both hands and tried to pull herself together.

"God forgive me, David, you will help me put this kid through boot camp and scare him straight or my boot will go so far up your ass we'll see straight through you when I pull it out," Gwen growled, her clipboard creaking ominously in her hands, "We are contractually obligated to make this kid a functioning member of society and we will."

David wasn't entirely sure he was capable of it, especially after Max and he had practically ripped the hearts out of each other that night. Or at least, David felt like his own heart had been violently torn out and shredded into confetti at one point or another during their argument. He was sure Max had had at least a similar intensity level what with fearing for his life for at least part of the afternoon.

"You couldn't scare me straight if you devoted your whole life to it," Nurf laughed, having been somewhat patiently listening to their whole conversation, before he abruptly sobered, "In all seriousness, if I don't feel at least somewhat reformed by the end of the day, I will be contacting my parents and advising they sue."

"Noted," Gwen said curtly, before pressing her lips into a thin line and staring down David in a long, almost threatening moment of silence. She jerked her chin at him, "Man up."

David laughed nervously, "We could do a good cop, bad cop, kind of-"

"Man." She grabbed his shirt, pulling him in close, "Up."

Max cleared his throat, following that up with a casual kick to David's shin when neither of the counselors glanced down at him. He observed the hurt look that passed over David's face with a mild amount of anxious curiosity, allowing that to settle when it didn't morph into anger or anything worse than disappointment.

"Max, you should really use your words," David scolded him lightly, not having the heart for it just then to be firm.

"Uh, no, you should really use my words," Max dug his hands into his pockets, "If you want to keep the camp open, that is."

David stared down at him uncomprehendingly, then gave him half a smile, like a dog staring off into space with its mouth open, "What?" He had no energy left to understand Max's twisty mind, much less approach this upcoming camp.

"What's in it for you?" Gwen asked, clearly having the same kind of twistiness that - okay, alright, David was clearly not fully awake, on top of being emotionally exhausted. It had finally clicked. Max was offering to help.

"I want double pudding for a week - sealed cups only, no dining hall duties for a month, and -" despite the fact that he'd clearly thought these up beforehand, Max still hesitated before the last one, Gwen leaning in so hard she was close to falling over, "David's birthdate, address, and social security number."

"Done," Gwen said.

"Gwen!" David exclaimed, but both parties glared at him, startling him into dropping it. What was Max glaring about now? He looked almost embarrassed, but that didn't make much sense.

"Alright, first off, you need to be less this you," Max said, shaking away the vestiges of any vulnerability and hopping up on the table in front of David, "You need to get mad, really mad."

"Max, I'm not very good at-"

"Murderously mad," Max added, with only a hint of reluctance.

"No," David said before he could stop himself, and Max turned with a glint in his eye.