Legendary

I thought there was always something fascinating about Robin Hood. Stealing from the poor to give to the rich. Robbing Peter to pay Paul. It was fascinating, that type of thing.

He shot arrows and swung from trees like Tarzan. It was alright, picturesque, his handsome animated figures in the books I read where his people praised him for his mighty deeds.

That was until dude decided to take a trip to 2023 America. Whatever was he thinking?

"Whatever were you thinking? Get the hell out of my lawn!"

I said what I said with no remorse.

Imagine innocent me, coming out that morning to see some crazy dude with tight pants on my lawn. He looked weird and smelt like shit.

Thieves didn't even bathe these days? Jeez.

He had looked at wary me, with a phone in hand, as I called 911 and reported a breaking and entering. It confused me for a while, why the thief hadn't deemed it fit to wrench it out of my hand. He was looking at me dumb.

Present me thinks, he was confused the hell.

I felt a bit secure after getting assurance that the police were on their way.

"Who the hell are you?" Mind you, my feet were firmly planted on my porch. Couldn't let no weird rando enter my house.

He looked at me, eyes wide. Handsome fella appeared in my mind.

"Uh-umm." he looked stumped. I felt almost bad.

"Do you need help?"

"I think? I'm not quite sure. Where is this?" he looked around my lawn. Only I can tell how many times he'd fixated on the grill.

I let him look. I felt sorry. I regret that now. I just wanted to be a kind woman.

"This is my house. Montgomery Street in Carrboro. Where are you from?"

"M-mont...what?"

"Uh. North Carolina?"

"W-where?"

"United States of America?!" What was this oddity?

"Uhmerica? What kingdom is this? Are you hostile to the crown?" He seemed to want to ask why the kingdom was so...pretty on the eyes.

It was then some absurd thought came to mind.

"You. You mean the British crown?"

"Yes!" He looked like he had seen a savior, eyes bright at the one familiar. The man nodded his head, frantic. "Are you a hostile kingdom?!"

"Uh...no?"

"No?"

"I'm not sure really?" Politics just be messing around these days.

He looked at me up and down, eyes careful. His words were careful too.

"Where is the king?"

"Oh, we don't do that here."

"The queen?"

"No. I meant, we don't do that here. We have a president. He's in the white house."

"Is he the richest man?"

"Nope." I shrugged. "But we do have half the richest men in the world."

Robin looked aghast.

"What thievery! What savagery! The horror!"

"Can you shut up? It's morning."

He looked at me like I was crazy. And suddenly, the dude strode and stood right in the spot before me.

"You. Take me to this president. He must stop this tragedy at once!"

"Fine. Do you have money to pay me for this task?"

"M-money?"

"Would you pay my unpaid leave from work to go on this journey with you?"

"W-why?"

"I have a phone bill."

"B-bill?" The word caused him to stumble backward.

I wasn't done though.

"I have a credit card bill."

"B-bill?" Another stumble.

"Student loan."

"L-loan?" Stumble.

"Health insurance."

"W-what?" Stumble.

"Mortgage."

"Mor-what?" He fell on his butt.

"Go and find a damn job."

"I am Robin Hood. Never!"

"Then whatever were you thinking coming to 2023?! Get the hell off my lawn!"