Letters to you

How it began...

I didn't want any of this. I had a plan I was focused on. I was following my track, and I was happy on my own. 

But now I got off track, I am on my own, but not happy. And God help me I am fighting these feelings the best I can, but it is not working. I don't know what to do anymore.

It began on 17. January. I was working as usual. Well, to be honest, there was quite a lot of work and I was under pressure if I can manage it all. As the working day was passing, slower than usual, the phone rang. I felt devastated because a phone ring meant more work. And as I was right, more work was coming. But something was different. 

As I picked up the phone, I heard his voice asking me how I was. This was not the first time I heard his voice and I am well aware that he asked how I was just because he was being polite. But that voice, that question, that conversation, woke up my long-asleep butterflies. After the conversation ended I became energized, a smile was on my face, and the terrible day became beautiful.

It was difficult for me to admit that I started liking someone I have never met. But as the days were passing by I surrendered to the feelings and I admitted that I started liking him.

At first, I was happy. Every day I was hoping for him to call. I was thrilled whenever I heard his voice. It was beautiful. Every moment, every day I was thinking of him. I couldn't focus on anything but him. Everything was going in the wrong direction, but I was happy because for once I was liking someone with whom I have chances. But I couldn't be more wrong.

As time flew by he stopped calling me. He would call me only, but only if necessary. He was distancing himself from me. I wondered if was I that obvious, but I don't think so. Then I pondered about the fact that he might hate me. I didn't make his work quite easier to be precise. But the love that made me happy became something that hurts me. So I decided to give up. And I must say it is not easy, at all. 

In order to get him out of my system I started writing letters to him. Those letters are nothing particularly special or long, but they are my feelings, so dear reader I hope you will be kind and you won't judge me, or my writing. But on the other hand, I seek advice and help. 

So please dear reader bear with me.