Scars

4. Pretending

"We're right here," Chris told his mother as he walked down the stairs. Billie followed him closely. Ruth had changed into a blue shimmery dress top and a black skirt. She turned and disappeared out the door. Janice followed her like a shadow. Joe stood at the bottom of the stairs smiling. He was still dressed in a robe.

"Have fun at church," Joe said, his voice heavy with sarcasm.

"Hilarious!" Chris said as he slugged Joe on the shoulder.

"You don't go to church?" Billie asked him.

"No, I never saw the point in it. If I even believed in a higher power, why in the world would I have to go to a specific place for them to hear me?" Billie nodded in agreement.

"Atheist?" Billie asked him.

"Agnostic. Not quite sure what's out there. You?"

"Pagan," she said without hesitation. Joe's eyebrows shot up and he looked from Chris to her.

"Oh your mother's going to love that," he said to Chris.

"Yeah yeah," he said as he waved off the concern. He grasped Billie by the elbow and led her out of the house.

"It was nice to meet you!" Billie called out behind her. Joe smiled and gave them a wave. Chris led her back to the SUV and they crawled into the back seat.

"You know Billie," Janice's voice was testy, "You don't just waste your time by dawdling." Billie's head cocked to the side as she attempted to wrap her head around the amount of attitude coming from Janice.

"Excuse me?" Billie asked.

"You heard me Billie."

"Wow!" Billie exclaimed with more than a little attitude herself. Janice turned around in the front seat to meet Billie's eyes. Billie met her stare right back.

"Watch the attitude with me. Stop pretending to be tougher than you are just to impress a boy," Janice snapped.

"I'm the one pretending here?" Billie said as she broke the stare to let out a hearty laugh, "Who's the one pretending not to be Pagan? Who's the one trying to impress people we've only just met by going to church like the good little Christian girl you'll never be."

"Pagan?" Chris' mother asked.

"I am not pretending! You're well aware that your mother and I both denounced that as our faith! Christianity is the only thing that has saved you numerous times!" Billie burst out laughing so hard she had to clutch her sides to keep them from cramping.

"Christianity," Billie said through the bouts of laughter. She calmed down after a moment, wiped the tears from her eyes and cleared her throat, "The only thing Christianity did was convince my parents that leaving me in a nut house that had a church attached would save my soul. It convinced them that abandoning their child was okay, because mental illness isn't real. Depression certainly isn't real. Right? It's all the devil."

"We prayed for you to pull through your," Janice paused, not wanting to say suicide attempt. Billie would've liked to think that it was because Janice didn't want to embarrass her more than she already had. But that wasn't it, she didn't want to embarrass herself and Billie's mother.

"Praying. 'Cause that always does the trick."

"It worked didn't it?!"

"You really are stupid aren't you?"

"Don't talk to your aunt like that," Ruth interjected.

"Don't," Billie held up her hand, "Don't talk about things you know nothing about. Please." She tried to tell Ruth in as nice a voice as possible.