I thought I would've been done by yesterday but ended up typing too much to the point that this chapter is officially the longest chapter in the book. 5.8k words! I apologise if any of you despise long chapters but what can I say, Jungkook's reaction alone has 1k words 😭 My boy was going through it! Anyways happy reading.
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unedited
Piece of Jungkook's mind
I remember that day clearly. Jin's strong grip on my shoulder snapping me out of the haze that sucked me in. The gazillion blur of people around me; loud cheer, screeching cries and pathetic pleads. That's how I met my wife. That was the ugly reality of our fucked up beginning.
She was a broken soul and I wasn't a saint.
In fact, a selfish bastard like me grew up not looking twice in the direction of people in need. So who would've thought I would find myself in a situation like this? In a warm home, a cosy place and under a star-filled, moonlit sky; the same broken woman saying the three words I never knew I was capable of hearing.
However, the broken soul didn't look so broken anymore. Once the scarred girl, who timidly stepped inside my house, terrified of mankind, fragile and vigorously shaking in fear is now glowing; her eyes glistening, cheeks reddening and lips trembling. She looks beautiful. The most ethereal creation I have ever laid my eyes upon.
She's a fighter, my wife. Survived the worst of humanity yet she was standing before me, looking as radiant and lively as ever. Her trauma ran deeper than I could ever imagine. It took five and half years for her to accept that her past is just that, a past. But even then, for a lot of survivors, five years aren't enough. In fact, my wife is still struggling and we still have a long way to go.
But she now knows that she is protected here. Her past will never haunt her unless she allows it to hunt her. I am aware that there are a few scars that aren't replaceable. No matter how much we try, she will never recover from those. And that's okay. Scars aren't meant to be replaced, they are meant to be worn proudly, reminding herself of what a strong person she is and what battle she fought and won. As long as she sees the scars as medals, not burdens.
And that's exactly what she struggled with. To separate the fragment of her trauma from her current reality. The past and her present.
After five years of me knowing her and almost three years of our marriage, for a moment, I forgot that this is a battle to help recover Y/n's long-lost humanity, not my selfish and fucked up wish for her to fall for me. She needed my help, my support... Not the weight of expectations that she needs to feel a certain way for me.
And I wanted to fix that mistake. I wanted to let her go and was ready to accept that she will never return my feelings.
She didn't have to. She owed me nothing.
Then it all changed. After her kidnapping, she became hellbent on returning to me. How could I take her back knowing that, her recovery with me ended the day I decided to expect feelings in return? What should've been me being selfless to allow her to rise, I became greedy and wanted more from her.
I thought my love for her was my strength, but it became a weakness, an obstacle for Y/n from recovering. How could I explain to her that I am her downfall? But my wife did not listen. She thinks she's the problem and I left because she hurt me. But in reality, I am the cause of all failure. Then she proposed a deal that I couldn't refuse. I supposed if this motivates her healing, then be it.
But I never told her that I never truly planned to come back to her. Because she deserves someone better than me. Even though, the thought of her with someone else sets a living fire in me. Murderous thought blooms inside my being every time I picture a nonexistent man that will be worthy of her.
And, she kept her side of the deal. Too well, in fact. I never expected her to control her own emotions like that. Every time she was near snapping at the people around her, she calmed herself down like it was her second nature. She even took her therapy sessions seriously. And not to mention, she starting to be more independent and showing interest in learning new skills. And seeing all that, made me the proudest man on this damned earth.
She thinks I haven't noticed her improvement. She thinks I ignore her efforts when in reality, there hasn't been a single second, I kept my eyes off her. When she sleeps peacefully in my arms, I am looking. When she is hellbent on making that dough perfect, I am looking. Fuck, I even became a creep for this woman and watch when she showers too. Not to mention, the stalker tendencies I developed for her ever since we separated.
What can I say? God may have made many patient and virtuous men, but that won't be me because this woman has me wrapped around her fucking finger.
Then she said it.
Fuck.
Fuck!
She wants me too.
She loves me.
I love you.
That's what she fucking said.
Fuck, she said she loves me.
Ever since she proposed this odd deal, she has been acting differently. She made it her fucking routine to explode my heart into my chest on a daily basis. With such actions that I will never imagine her doing a few months prior. For example, she now kisses my cheeks every night before we go to sleep because I banned her from kissing my lips. She sends me lovey messages and saying stuff like how much she misses me and how the night is her favourite time of the day because she gets to cuddle me. Hell, she even became more affectionate towards me.
Every time her actions defied the pre-kidnapping Y/n, a part of me gets its hopes high. But, I kill it every time thinking that it must be me going crazy because this is exactly what Y/n doesn't need; me shoving more expectations on her.
But then she fucking said she loves me.
Fuck, my girl feels for me.
She says she is obsessed. But this woman doesn't know that I am a million steps ahead; I am downright infatuated, completely and utterly bewitched by her. My wife thinks I am a righteous man who can do no wrong in her eyes. But she doesn't know what she just got herself into after saying she loves me.
If there was a thin thread of control in me before, it fucking snapped as soon as she uttered those words.
Because there is no way. Absolutely, no fucking way, I am ever letting this woman go now.
Fuck this darn world, who has a problem with us. Suddenly every single word in my head opposing the idea of us together is all gone. Now, God himself can't take this woman away from me. Because, her love is engraved so deep in my soul, even the divine can't undo the inscription.
She is mine. Truly and royally fucking all mine.
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Next morning
You inhale and then exhale.
You temporarily bid byes to your parents after the most unforgettable night of your life. Not only you found your parents but you finally confessed to your husband.
If you expected him to jump out of joy and embrace you like the cheesy rom-com movie, nothing came. Instead, your husband breathed in sharply before holding his breath and closed his eyes to what seemed like an attempt to regain control. Then he walked away.
