The Life I Live.

12.

(India-Grace-Walker)

"Mann, I don't even miss that nigga, fuck him and that pussy ass hoe."

I sat on the couch with my sister, taking hits from the blunt that we shared. It had been a while since I had seen her and my younger sister, except for when we talked on the phone.

My sister had moved out at 17 because of constant arguments with my mom. We chatted about what we had been up to recently.

"So, what have you been up to? Where's your little friend lately?" she asked, referring to Aaliyah. My face scrunched up, and I turned my head away.

I shook my head, not feeling like discussing the situation with Aaliyah. After what happened between Tyreek and me, I was still feeling grossed out.

"Never mind, that's all I needed to know," my sister laughed as she took the blunt from me. I hit it and breathed in the smoke for a minute before slowly letting it out.

I didn't want to think about what India the "baby killer" may mean to the girls back at home, or to Aaliyah's fans. I had not had the chance to tell my side of the story.

"Do you need a break, India? You should tell your guy to take you to the spa or spend money on you or something," my sister said, interrupting my thoughts.

I shook my head and passed her the blunt, but then picked up my phone to text QJ. He responded with a curt 'hey,' which made me roll my eyes as I knew he was probably lying next to some girl.

My sister noticed my downcast expression and told me to stop feeling depressed. I could not let myself get bogged down by negative thoughts and judgments from others. She was right.

After chatting with my sister, I went home and headed upstairs to my room with Qj, where we were currently sharing a bed. The housekeeper from downstairs abruptly entered and informed me a guy had stopped by to pick up something from Bonez.

"Okay, tell them I'll be down shortly," I said as she left. I quickly changed into an oversized T-shirt and biker shorts. We could not afford to mess with Qj's money. Once I reached downstairs, I noticed Marcus waiting for me to hand over a bag with his name on it.

My body froze as my ex-boyfriend approached me. Tears streamed down my face as words remained stuck in my throat.

"Yo wsp, nice to meet you and all shordy, but I'm just here for my shii. No need for all that extra shii," he said to me as if he didn't even recognize me.

I tried to keep my cool and nodded, handing him the bag. What was wrong with him? He knew that I was the mother of his child who had passed away.

I watched him leave before returning to my room and sitting on the edge of the bed. I ran my fingers through my hair, still reeling from the unexpected encounter with Marcus.

I couldn't help but wonder why he was involved in this. I swear Tyreek had kept him away from this life. Or so I thought.

So I just stayed in the house, not wanting to face anyone or anything. The girls would try to cheer me up, but their efforts only made me feel more isolated.

Days turned into weeks and I was still in the same state. Qj had come and gone, not bothering to check up on me. I knew he had other girls he was with, but it hurt that he didn't even care enough to ask how I was doing.

One evening, I was sitting by the window, watching the rain pour down outside. I felt a hand on my shoulder and turned to see my older sister standing beside me.

"India, we need to talk," she said, her voice soft and gentle. I nodded and we sat down on the couch.

"I know you're hurting, but you can't keep shutting everyone out. You need to face your problems and deal with them," she said, placing her hand on mine.

"But what do I do? Everything is so messed up," I whispered, feeling tears prick at the corners of my eyes.

"You start by talking to Aaliyah. Tell her what happened and take responsibility for your actions. It may not fix things completely, but it's a start," she said, her words full of wisdom beyond her years.

I knew she was right. I needed to face the consequences of my mistakes and try to atone for them. It was not going to be easy, but it was necessary.

With a heavy heart, I picked up my phone and dialed Aaliyah's number. It took a few rings before she answered.

"India, what do you want?" her voice was cold and distant.

"Aaliyah, we need to talk. I need to tell you something," I said, my voice barely above a whisper.

And so, I told her everything. About Tyreek, about the drugs, about how it was my fault,and not his at all. I didn't expect her to forgive me right away, but I hoped she would understand.

There was silence on the other end of the line for what felt like an eternity. I could hear her breathing and I held my own breath, waiting for her response.

"I don't know what to say," she finally spoke, her voice breaking. "You should have told me this from the beginning. But thank you for finally being honest with me."

We talked for a while longer, and while things were not completely resolved, there was a sense of understanding and acceptance. It was a start towards healing and forgiveness, but I could tell she was angry.

As I hung up the phone, I felt a weight lifted off my shoulders. It was time to face my problems head-on and start rebuilding what was broken.