Closer When We Should be Far

010

wednesdays pov

 i watched them carry her away before deciding to go back for joel's body. i needed to have a moment with it. it had been truly full of torture, a huge adrenaline rush as i had fought and killed him. i didnt realize at first until blood was pouring out of his mouth, and he collapsed, at which point i ran to enid. 

 after she ran away and tyler ran after her me and joel had a normal fencing match until i had him pinned against the ground, my sword leveled above his neck right at the point where a single downward stab would be deadly. id been hesitating for a moment because of what and who he meant to me.

and thats when i realized that my connection to joel, everything i thought hed done for me, all my thoughts earlier-they fully understood that i would never be like others-yet still chose to be around me. they still supported me in the mystery we solved together even though they didnt understand it and it wasnt about them, and along the way wed grown a bond that even when we parted not knowing when wed see each other again we had only grown stronger. all of that was true for me and joel-but also for me and enid. i didnt need joel. id be all right. i could do this, and i could win, and it would be right.

so i killed him.

 and then i told myself id process that later, and ran for enid. but now as i thought over it my eyes were filling with tears, and i was actually crying as i reached his body, flinging the gun and the two knives into my backpack and swinging it over my back as i dropped to my knees at his side.

 what the fuck was i feeling? this was the first time actual tears were dropping down my cheeks since nero the scorpion died all those years ago. because joel died, after saving thing and fester, and it was me who killed him, and enid was bleeding out, and i had a gash with stitches in my arm, and tyler and gates were running wild over the grounds... like damn what was this life i was living.

 i got up eventually, deciding to head back to the dorm. joel was slipping out of my sight and as i turned, i flipped him off with both hands, wiping the tears from my cheeks. "damn you, joel glicker," i said before entering the school, resetting my face to monotone before entering the hall. students were still milling around; it was just before curfew, and apparently wed been taken off lockdown. 

 an announcement came on the loudspeakers: "attention students, this is your principal, mr. thorpe, and i would like to advise you all to not take detours on your way from class to class tommorow-another person has just been found dead by sheriff galpin outside, and a student was brought in earlier injured. two dead and one unconscious and nearly bleeding out in one night advises ill. be careful and report anything suspicious to a staff or adult at once. curfew just hit: good night."

 i joined the flow of students heading back up to the dorm, realizing as i went that my arm was still hurting from where id cut it open to save enid. hopefully it had done something to help. we all tramped up the stairs, me remaining as calm as possible and trying to ignore the fact that the rest of the students were chatting and gossiping and enjoying our first weekend back, no idea the seriousness that me and enid and thing were going through that night.

 the crowd of students began to thin as i reached the corridor leading to me and enid's dorm, and i split off at the end, pushing open the door to find enid laying propped up on her bed in a calm, baggy pink shirt, blankets pulled up. "hey, where were you?" she asked. "hang on, i can read in your eyes. did you cry?"

 "not important, what happened with you?" i said, dumping my stuff down and taking off the hoodie, leaving me in my striped shirt and black sweatpants as i sat down on the long end of my bed, facing her. she said, "i woke up here with a bunch of nurses around me, they said i could chill here, they said if you hadnt helped i wouldve died, you saved my life. they said the pain medicine would last until the pain wore off and it would just be a normal stitched wound and it would heal in like a week." 

 i nodded. "wednesday," she said, swinging her legs over the end of the bed, still in her joggers. "i know something's up, i know you were really sad about something, tell me what i missed and what happened." i turned my head away, trying to find an excuse to not meet her eyes, knowing she could read mine by now, but i failed as my eyes started tearing up. 

 "oh, my-wednesday-" she got up and came over, wrapping her uninjured right arm around my shoulders, pulling me in, sitting close. she rubbed my shoulders reassuringly, letting me know she was there for me, and i allowed myself to put my head on her shoulder as i cried. "i'm not okay," i whispered. 

 she hugged me. "i know. tell me." i said softly, "i dont even know, there's so many things that i cant say to anyone, cant let anyone know how much theyve impacted me, because i just need to stay strong and calm like i know whats going on when i actually have no control over anything! and its all stacked up, and i keep telling myself to think about it later, but now that joel's fucking dead i dont know if i have a later!" 

 she nodded, letting me talk to her. "i just... tyler played me like a fool, so did joel, and now all my thoughts are just... well, i have two, number one i am so fucking done with guys... and i guess.... what if love just isnt worth it. i mean, every single person ive ever fallen in love with has ended up trying to kill me. what does that say? its me. im not usual, im not normal, and people cant love someone like me, so love for me is just not worth it."

 "yes it is," she said immediately. she took her arm from my shoulders and turned to face me, grabbing my hands and holding them in hers. she looked me in the eye and said, "loving you is worth absolutely everything that comes with it, do you hear me right now? loving you is such a rollercoaster, it means you'll protect no matter what, you'll fight to protect, you'll never give up. you were the only one brave and smart enough to figure out both those guys, the only one ready to do something about it instead of leaving it to the sheriff. loving you is worth it." 

 "attention, please," said mr. thorpes voice on the loudspeakers again. we both looked up. "our third dead person has been found. reports from the police say that he was the brave one trying to stop the killer or killers from escaping, but they killed him too and left him for dead at the gate. no one knows who he is yet, and we will do questions and protocol in the morning, but it will be to stay in your rooms with all doors locked unless you are in a class, and do not move from class to class alone." 

 more tears dropped out of my eyes. "no, see, it's because of me. you-you nearly died, because of me. lucas died, because of me. that man died, because of me, because they're back, because of me." enid hugged me. "you saved my life," she said. "it was not your fault at all, anyway, you didnt tell him to go chasing me, you killed the person who did. you saved my life and if you hadnt been there, hurting yourself to save me, i wouldve died." 

 she hugged me close, pulling me in, letting me rest against her before a thought struck me and i stood up. "where's thing?" i said. "where is he?! THING?!" there was no answer as i started to panic again. "no, no, the last time we saw him was when we were together, i thought he went with you!" "i thought he stayed with you!" enid said. 

 "this is so shitty-thing, you nearly gave me a heart attack, damn you," she said as he came crawling in under the door. he was shaking. she picked him up and brought him back to her bed; i scooted closer to be with her. "what happened?" she said urgently, tears still spilling out of her eyes. i grabbed her hand, intertwining our fingers. 

 thing tapped frantically, that man who died. his last words were i love you wednesday. wednesday, it was uncle fester.