Mamma Mia

Too Bad, But More Angry Than Sad

Molly stands in the living room awkwardly as everyone keeps staring at her, before she finally says, “Amazing opportunity for Luigi to have the best of both worlds, am I right?”

“Wrong.” Mario steps forward. “Luigi’s not going anywhere with you.”

Luigi had been going to start packing, but upon hearing that, stops right as Mario says, “This doesn’t concern you; it concerns me and my brother.”

“Mario--” Luigi starts to speak up, but Molly actually stops him first.

“No, Luigi, he’s right.” She steps back. “I’ll just go do a little sightseeing. Who knows when I’m gonna be back here?”

Then she leaves, leaving the implication hanging in the air, which gives the Luigi the guts to turn on Mario and say,

“Mario, stop it. You don’t get to talk to my mama like that.”

“You mama can va’ a farti fottere .” Mario snaps, making Luigi and the other Mario family members gasp.

“Mario, watch your mouth!” Mama Mario scolds, but her eldest son couldn’t care less right now.

“That cagna suddenly decides she wants to be a part of your life after 12 years, 5 months, and 9 days--”

“8 days.” Luigi corrects quietly.

“Oh pardon me, 8 days.” Mario full-on glares at him now. “And thinks everything’s just okay? Come on Luigi, I know you’re smarter than that. She’s still the same woman she was when we lived with her, and she couldn’t even be bothered to reach out to see if we were okay after we left!”

Luigi takes a long breath, and says in a forced calm he doesn’t feel, “She messed up. She admitted it. Sorry not everyone can be as amazing as the only Mario Brother anyone cares about. Just because you don’t want her a part of your life, doesn’t mean I can’t.”

“Yes it does. Particularly when I know for a fact she’s only here so she can say she fostered the Mario Brothers when she gets back to Brooklyn.”

Seeing this is going nowhere, Luigi waves it all off and tries to walk away, but Mario won’t stop.

“And if you sincerely think otherwise, then I guess you’re not the little brother I raised to know better.”

“Mario, stop.” Both Mama and Papa Mario step forward to get in between.

“I think we need to put a pin in this for now.” Papa starts.

“I agree. We can talk about it tomorrow.”

“No, you know what?” Luigi speaks first. “Forget the pin. I‘ve been waiting for this since the whole mess started, and none of you are going to mess it up for me again. Come tomorrow, I’m leaving the Mushroom Kingdom.”

“No you’re not.” Mario says, leaving no room for argument.

Or so he thinks, but no one’s prepared for when Luigi explodes,

“I don’t care if you like it or not! For once in your life, STOP PRETENDING TO BE A PARENT AND JUST BE MY BROTHER!”

That sets everyone back on their heels, especially Mario, who just stands there with his mouth hanging open as Luigi first stomps up the stairs, then slams their shared bedroom door closed.

A while later, Mario’s sitting on the couch, staring at nothing when a cousin walks in.

“Mario!” Cousin Joe walks in. “I’m so sorry, but we took your go kart for a joyride and crashed it.”