Take Care of Me (Kim Seokjin) COMPLETED

Part 11

I hath returned. Hola.

TW: description of panic attack (i think? I don't really get them often so may be inaccurate)

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Seokjin woke up feeling refreshed. After everything that had happened in the past week or so, he was looking forward to being able to fully relax.

Not the confusing half-relaxing he was doing previously, while ignoring all his problems because there was always part of him that was slightly on edge. Now he had accepted his situation, he felt like he could breathe properly for the first time in a long time.

He looked over to see Yoongi's bed unoccupied. He must've slept in. He got up and put his clothes on, then made his way into the living room.

No one was there. 

That's weird Jin thought to himself. Jungkook or Taehyung would normally be on the Xbox, claiming it for themselves and bickering about which overwatch player was better.

Come to think of it, the whole place seemed eerily quiet. Seokjin checked the kitchen and a couple of the boys' bedrooms and found no one.

They must have all gone out somewhere. Without him.

Jin sat down on the sofa with his phone in his hand. Why would they leave without telling him? It didn't make sense. He could understand maybe wanting to be away from him for a little while. They had been doing an awful lot for him- taking care of him all the time. Maybe Jin had been taking them for granted?

Maybe they just couldn't stand you any longer.

His head shot up at the thought. Was he being that bad? Mr Choi always said he was lazy and he should take better care of the boys. Maybe he was right, maybe he shouldn't have let his guard down.

He was feeling the complete opposite to his mood when he woke up. His chest felt tight. His hands were shaking as he clutched his phone in a death grip. 

The idea of the members leaving him, trying to be away from him because they couldn't stand him, Mr Choi's voice filling his ears with criticism as he hung his head in shame- it all came rushing back, and before he knew, it he couldn't breathe.

Seokjin-ah, what am I going to do with you?

He wrapped his arms around himself as he slid to the floor.

You never learn do you?

He curled in on himself, not caring how it made his chest tighter.

You're so pathetic Jin, you bring your team down.

His forehead was pressed against his knees. Tears were leaking out of the corners of his eyes.

You thought anyone would accept you? You're weak.

A sob broke its way out of his mouth. He felt light headed from the lack of oxygen in his system.

You're a burden on everyone around you.

He tried to force air into his lungs but he felt like someone was gripping his chest in their fist. He curled tighter in on himself despite his agony as more tears fell down his cheeks.

You don't deserve them. You're a terrible hyung, of course they would want to be away from you.

He needed help, but everyone was gone. He couldn't breathe or move or think.

Why wouldn't they leave you- look at you.

Who on earth would want you?