I write this as I slowly crawl my way back out of the darkness, darkness that I allowed myself to fall back into. I've been here before hating myself, my thoughts, my life. I thought my life consisted of many things throughout these 33 long years. I get so stuck in my thoughts, over think them, let them consume my entirety. I'm not happy when I'm like this, and as I grow older I find it happens more rapidly. This is now what I see I am to blame for allowing myself to be consumed by these thoughts, it's time to put that behind me. It is also the hardest thing I've ever done, not letting myself hate me but learn to love me. The hardest battles are with yourself, finding the true you is important, getting lost in distractions will only make your cycle repeat I am finding. I just want to know me for once, I'm tired of looking for myself in others because it never works, I think I've always found peace in helping others I thought that's how I would find love. Love doesn't work that way, loving yourself also doesn't work that way. I do not have it figured out, but I will not give up on it and that's starting with me this time around.
