The Brightest Star, Is The Most Lonely One Too

‧₊˚✩彡

The lights blinked for a few seconds when he flicked it on, revealing the cozy state of what once to be the place where they started to dream, where they started to grow, where he watched as days, weeks, months, and years go by, and the change was discernible. Everything is at the same place where they used to be, yes. But so many things changed, especially her, she changed.

He slumped down, feeling tired from doing things very far from what he desired, exhausted emotionally, with knowing damn well that he has no one to woo him now, to get him out of his frenzy, to spend time with him and forget the world with, to stare at the exquisite night sky staring back at them. Because his star, the little rockstar he had a trouble intercepting and getting a hold of, was once again far from reach, it felt like it all came back to where everything started, where she's close, yet so far.

Suddenly, stray tears started racing themselves down to his cheeks, tears he never slated, tears showing just how much he loves his girl. It's clear to everyone they know, that he's hurting, but he never considered them, he never listened to their little premises stating that she just stayed because she's pity of him, she's just getting this over with, she's distancing herself little by little for him to adjust easily when she finally decided to leave. He never listened to them, it's not her who said it. Even though those thoughts once interjected the unanswered questions in his head.

Him looking back at those moments got meddled when the door creaked open and reveled the person who's been the reason of this wet trails of emotion that would never stop running, she did not spare a single glance towards his direction, just straight up saying she's tired. So as him, he's tired as much as she do.

"I am too." He exclaimed, she's confused.

She faced him, finally, the first time in a very long time she did so.

She looked him in the eyes, as if trying to search answers who's been buried deep into those indecipherable gaze, that gleam speculating words that the mouth could never have, stating unsaid truths that the heart can no longer bear. She looked into them, searching, hoping to see what he sees, what he wanted to say. But she can't, she can't tell, she used to do so, but now she can't.

That's when everything came crushing down onto her, 'now' she can't.

She looked away for a second, and dragged her gaze back up to look at him straight in the eyes once again "Haru? Wh.. what's wrong? Have you cried..? Why?" She spoke, and from those questions, there was two left unanswered "What's wrong? W-why?"

She's a stuttering mess, Haru wasn't talking, at all, but the wave of emotions that washed over her felt overwhelming because it's just now she realized. Everything. everywhere she looks at, memories flashes into her mind, the way they cuddle to a slumber every cold winter night on that couch, the same couch that held memories of them watching their favorite shows together, eating there more often than on their dining table, the said dining table being the eye of chaos when they first tried to bake cookies together that did not turn out well, the way they dances to every old song that plays on the radio in the kitchen, singing to 'Put Your Head In My Shoulder' at the top of their lungs because they believed it was their song.

All those memories felt like an eternity since, reality arriving as soon as it flashes away, and then everything looks dull, gloomy, lifeless. Just like an abandoned happiness that held the most beautiful things, yet now it only served as the memory lane where you can look back but can never experience again.

Haru heaved an exhausted sigh, a sigh carrying thousands of dispute, and then he spoke.

"Can you tell me, when was the last time we ate together?,"

"Drink our morning coffee together? Fed Bonbon, together?" His voice quivered and cracked, his body shaking as a silent sob escaped through his lips. It broke her heart seeing her precious man, the love of her life, cry like a child. Like he lost everything. As if they were going to lose each other all over again. And she knows, she's the reason why.

It was like something shattered between them. She can feel it from here, she felt it in her soul, in her heart, that she has done too much, too much that it hurts, it's killing her slowly, bit by bit. The guilt, the regret, it eats her alive inside. It makes her want to run, to find a something to get away, so she won't hurt anyone else, so she wouldn't cause her boyfriend pain. So she doesn't ruin their lives anymore. Because it's her, it's her fault all along.

Their eyes glistened to the faint light of the city outside, his eyes never looked the same, it seems that it's broken, as if she broke a vase, a fragile, delicate thing that she abruptly let go of, and it shattered, to millions of pieces, making it hard to get him back up piece by piece.

It was a huge part of her heart that felt like it had been torn apart, and it's breaking into tiny bits too, that it will crumble into nothingness anytime. She didn't want him to suffer, but she couldn't keep him in the dark forever. It's about that matter, too. Her, leaving him in the shadows while she do everything just to chase her dreams. She's aware that all he wants is for them to stay together, facing life and solving problems together, never letting go. But it seemed like everything changed just how fast the midnight passes.

"You can't tell, wasn't it? I can't too... So many things changed, Hein. So many things changed between us, but i never did. My love for you never did" "It'll never change because that's all i have right now, that's all i can give and it hurts me how you learned to put it aside when all i wanted you to do is reciprocate it and love me too" He's tears continued to fall down, not missing a single beat of their heart, now falling apart, the string connecting them suddenly started to break, and the tiny light of hope that held them together began fading into the dark.

"Hein... What can my love do?"

"If it's your dreams bounding us apart?"

Two questions. Two questions and that's all it took for them to finally pinpoint what's wrong, what's the matter that bothers them both so greatly. Their connection was already frayed and the knot was loose, they've known this from the beginning, what might happen if she continues to dream. It was always there, hidden underneath the cracks. The thought of everything falling apart once she got too focused again. Waiting for something that could've been a bigger problem for it to get unleashed. To set it free, set each other free. But they never cared much, because all they have in thought was that they're a match made in heaven, and there's no way there is still something that can break them away.

There is, it's this one.

But neither of them noticed it until now, not till now that its finally happened, that she's here. That she has found herself. That she's here after so long, a long, very long time, not even noticing she has gone. Because of the main reason and it is her dream.

''I want to let you go'' He said unfinished and she panned her head from left to right.

''Because what can i do?''