AFRAID {a.i.}

CHAPTER TWENTY-TWO

Song of the Chapter: Drop In The Ocean - Ron Pope.

Few days past since we landed back in Australia. For all I know, Ashton wasn't back yet. I had not spoken to him since our passing in the airport. He called, texted, even contacted Brad but I declined every time. I needed time to realise how quick it went. How much time I lost. I did miss him, but what he said... it hurt me more than it should of. I woke up again to the sound of my phone buzzing under my pillow and groaned. Ashton. I pressed decline and threw it to the end of my bed. I fell back onto my pillow and closed my eyes. But when my phone buzzed again, I noticed it wasn't Ashton, it was Calum. I groaned once more, and answered.

"Brooke, you really need to answer his calls, you're driving him insane." Calum sighed and I pushed my eyes together, rubbing my forehead, hard.

"Well maybe he should of thought about that." I answered and Calum sighed again. I looked at my hand and sucked in my bottom lip.

"You know he doesn't think before he says anything." Calum was sympathetic but still competitive with me.

"Well he needs to learn. Sorry Calum, but if you don't mind I'm going to catch more sleep, without being rudely interrupted." I smiled and I heard him laugh. I went to hang up, but he spoke once more.

"He's coming over." They were back. I exhaled and rolled my eyes.

"Well, please tell him not to." I snapped and I could almost feel him smirk.

"He's already left." Calum chuckled and I rudely hung up. I rushed out of my bed and locked the door. I did not want to see him. I would forgive him in an instance if I seen him. Even hearing him would be bad. I crawled back into bed and looked at my phone. More missed calls. I put it aside, on silent and grabbed my laptop. I sat up with my laptop on my lap. I logged in quickly and went straight to my Facebook. Three messages. One from Ashton. One from Cassie. One from my dad. I refused to open it and deleted it straight away. The only one I opened was Cassie's.

ASHTONS BACK. PREPARE IMMEDIATELY.

I chuckled and typed back, informing her that he was on his way. Cassie was the only one I told about Ashton. I didn't even tell Brad or Ana. I shut my laptop and grabbed my phone again. I unlocked it, ignoring the texts and phone calls. I went straight to my photos. I looked through my recent photos from L.A. My heart sank when there was a selfie of me and Ashton, smiling. His head was in my neck and I was genuinely happy. I felt tears escape my eye and immediately threw my phone away from me. I wiped my tears and chewed my bottom lip. There was a knock at my door and my eyes widen. Did they let him in?

"Go away." I yelled, my voice cracking. Not intentionally, of course. He continued knocking. "Did you not hear me? Go away." I hid under the covers and closed my eyes. I didn't want this anymore.

"Brooklyn, please. Just open up. We need to talk. I need to see your face, it's been so long. Just please open up." Ashton's voice was quiet and husky, as if he had just woken up. I huffed and turned over.

"There's no point. I know what you're going to say." I called back and I could feel him hitting my door aggressively. "If you break my door Ashton, I swear to god I won't speak to you ever." That was harsh, but I was annoyed.

"Well you are doing a pretty good job at it anyway, so whatever." Ashton hit the door again and I rolled my eyes. I slipped out of the sheets. My feet approached the door.

"I'm listening." I slid down the door and immediately he stopped hitting it. It was like he could feel me. I felt pressure from the other side of the door.

"I'm so sorry Brooke." Ashton sighed.

"Tell me something I don't know." I exclaimed. I was shocked that those words even came out of my mouth.

"Brooke. This is the first major relationship I've been in, okay? And I know that, that is no excuse for what I said. I mean there is no excuse, besides I was angry. But fuck Brooke I felt so controlled-" I cut him off but hitting the door.

"I did that... Because I cared." I closed my eyes and pressed my arms over my chest. "Too much."

"And I know that now, babe, but trust me when I say this. When you rejected my calls, ignored my texts and declined speaking to me through Brad I felt lost. Like you were gone. You weren't mine anymore and that fucking killed me. Usually I would you know fuck some other chick to get over it-"

"Ashton." I didn't want to hear that sort of thing.

"But I didn't. I haven't touched any other girl since me and you... You know." I smiled at the fact he didn't say fuck or had sex. It meant something to him. "I've had chances, but the only thing in my mind is you. I only want you. I only want to kiss you. I only want to hold you. I only want to pleasure you. I only want to fu-" I stood up and unlocked the door. He fell back from leaning on the door and I looked down at him.

"Okay Ashton. I think I get it." I rolled my eyes and turned away from him. His body still looked perfectly muscular. His lips still parted. His eyes still shining. His hair still curly. Fuck.

"Brooke. I need to ask you something." Ashton came closer to me and I looked down. "Did you do something?" I hesitated before I turned to face him. His eyes were heavy, proving he was tired and his skin was red, showing that he clearly had been rubbing his cheeks in frustration.

"I don't know what you mean." I stuttered. My eyes fell to the ground. I knew exactly what he meant.

"Brooke-"

"Yes I did. Okay? Is that what you wanted to hear?" I snapped. I turned away and looked out my window. I rubbed my lips together and closed my eyes.

"Brooke, you shouldn't... Show me." Ashton turned me around and I couldn't help but notice his lips curl down into a frown.

"What? No." I shook my head. He hugged and pulled my sleeve up. I tried to pull it back down but his face fell.

"Brooke. Oh. I can't believe I made you do this." Ashton was angry at himself and I couldn't help but freeze. This wasn't him. This was me. This was my own doing. Not him. His words were nothing but a trigger to all my pain over the years. I grabbed his face and turned him to look down at me.

"Ashton. This isn't you. This is me. I know you think...because you said... I don't know but I did this to myself. You didn't do any of this." His eyes were sad and filled with love. I was angry with him. But I was still in love with him.

"Brooke. Please, never do this again. I don't think I'll ever forgive myself." Ashton pressed his forehead against mine but I turned away again. I needed to stop this before anymore pain was caused.

"Ashton... Maybe it's time we just... Stopped." I breathed out and I could feel his breathing hitch.

"You mean... We are over?" His voice croaked and I crossed my arms. I was so scared. I knew he was too. But I couldn't handle this. I loved him all too much and I knew we were going to hurt each other in the long run.

"Ashton I just. I think we should end it before we hurt each other anymore than what we already have. I don't know maybe we are bad for each other. Maybe I'm too scared. But I know this isn't the feeling I should be feeling right now." I didn't turn. It was like I was talking to the window. Ashton put his head on my shoulder and his arms snaked around my waist. His grip was secure and tight. Nothing more than expected. I could feel myself let the tears fall.

"Please don't do this. I need you." Ashton begged but I shook my head, squeezing my eyes shut. I breathed out.

"I need you too. But this isn't right. We aren't right."

"I thought we were." He cried onto my shoulder and my heart broke. Was I being stupid? Because this hurt either way.

"So did I." Was all I said. I closed my eyes once again and wished this was just a dream. But hey, reality just hit me like a truck.