Pop Singers, Am I Right?

Chapter 14: Status Quo, Am I Right?

A/n: .... *pretends not to have forgotten wattpad password* HEY GUYS SORRY FOR NO UPDATES IVE BEEN SUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUPER BUSY NOT LIKE I FORGOT MY FUCKING WATTPAD PASSWORD FOR SIX DAYS IN A ROW ;D SORRY SORRY I LOVE YOU GUYS THANKS FOR PERSISTANTLY READING THIS AND NOT COMPLAINING ABOUT MY SHIT SCHEDULE!

ANYWAYS I KNOW YOU CAME FOR BOOK NOT MY BLABBERING BUT HERE'S THE STORY: 

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Fitz POV

Call me obsessive, but I might be laying in bed right now writing a song.

I've been having these recurring dreams about Dex. Never has a real plot, but always revolves around him. Sometimes we're just talking about random shit, sitting in starbucks looking out a window. Some of them we're kissing. Sometimes we're doing things I shouldn't be thinking about.

That night haunts me like a phantom, and I honestly don't know why. I'm still utterly clueless as to why that boy leaves me vulnerable in the oddest moments, defenseless in the others, and warm-feeling in the rest.

So I'm trying to write a song that explains it. I call it: Last Night.

Last night (first fully written song in the book!)

Built up feelings on another
Pour gasoline like a cover
Strike the match and blow your cover
Blow my world to pieces
Was it an unscripted delivery
Or did it all fall deliberately?
We didn't know if it was pure driven misery
Or if the light played awful trickery

I can't close my eyes
Can't love another lover
Without you passing by my mind
Without thinking about
Thinking about
(Last night)

Act like it's normal
Act like it's fine
Like you didn't take your two bare hands
And rip apart my life

Built up a friendship and watched it crumble
I say your name and I think of trouble
It's troubling, how you had me
Stumbling and fumbling
Over my words
Over and over again

I can't close my eyes
Can't love another lover
Without you passing by my mind
Without thinking about last
Thinking about last night
I can't live a lie
Can't do anything, I've tried
Without picturing you in my life
Without thinking about last
Without thinking about last night

The words on the page make more sense than the memories in my head. They also feel uncharted, like something forbidden. Go figure. Being gay is like being an alien in this society.

Not that I am gay. Well, I mean not really. I'm pretttty straight. Just like...

Like an itsy bitsy teeny tiny piece of me is gay.

Such a small gayness that it doesn't count.

BUT Dex is super in love with Drisilia! I can't ruin that relationship with my stupid feelings. No matter how annoying Drisilia is. AND I have my own relationship. With Sophie.

Yeah.

And I don't want to cause drama. I don't Dex wrapped up in a spider web of feuds and end up on the cover of a magazine. He hates any attention, and I don't want to attract it because one night I thought I might be gay.

I flop back onto my bed, staring at the ceiling which had little glow-in-the-dark stars glued to it. I try to find constellations, but it's as hopeless as I am. The pillow and bed frame suddenly feel firm and uncomfortable as I feel a darkness fill my stomach.

I hope that I fall asleep before I fall deeper into the rabbit hole of unwanted epiphanies.

. . . . . .