( WARNING!! This memoir contains descriptions of blood that some people may find disturbing. No hard feelings if you decide not to read it for your own well-being. :)
One day in the year 2019, I look out the sliding door window and I see a stray cat I've never seen before outside eating the food we leave for them. ( Lots of people abandon cats in our neighborhood so we feed them ) I decided to go and see if he or she was friendly. Once I got close, I was able to tell that he was a male. He scattered to the other side of the railing that is in our yard. I start talking to him and he meows and chirps back. He leaves but I go inside very excited knowing that if I stick with it, I could very well have a new friend in this cat. I start looking up names since my Mom and I love naming the cats that find us. For a while I decided on the name "Disco." It was different and I loved music so I thought it was a good name for him.
After the while passed I decided that I didn't really like the name anymore. So I did lots of research again and came across the name "Jasper". We already have a cat named "Jade" and Jade and Jasper are both gemstones so they matched. So therefore, I thought it was perfect.
A while later, I see him outside again. This time he was walking down the road pretty far away but that didn't stop me. I go all the way down the road to him with my iPad in my hand so I could film him in case he let me pet him this time, and boy did he! He was very eager to get all the affection he knew was coming.
We became closer and closer over the span of a year. He eventually started laying on my lap and going on the porch to look into the house to see if I could go out and play. He trusted my Mom right away too when she met him the first time. There was one thing he never let us do though and that was to pick him up with our bare hands. I tried it once and he threw himself to the side and screamed his little head off. ( I mean literally screamed ) I later warned my Mom not to pick him up on account of what happened when I did. She later tried it anyway and told me that the same thing happened again.
One day I almost picked him up again ( I genuinely forgot so don't attack me ) and he swatted me before running away. He walked halfway down the road before turning around and coming back I thought for sure that he let it go but nope. He came all the way back up to me and swatted me again before running away again.
We did some research and found out that these were symptoms of abuse. The vet later told us that he was definitely abused too. That was when I realized how special he really was. To have gone through that but being so willing to trust again just from meeting me and later my Mom... Knowing that just impressed me about this cat. I just loved him more and more every day.
As winter arrived, Nan, ( My grandmother, who raised me along with my step grandfather who I call Papa ) my Mom and I realized that we didn't want him to be out there freezing so we snuck him into my Mom's room since Papa was adamant about him not coming in the house. He made himself right at home. He spent nights in there every now and again and we always let him back outside whenever he wanted. Our other cat, Dakota did not like him being in there whatsoever and always attacked him. It got better over time thankfully.
My Mom told me this one time he was crying at her door loudly until he heard my voice from outside the room and it made him meow softly. I just thought I would throw that in here since I thought it was sweet.
He kept going in and out of there from winter to spring. He officially became our indoor/outdoor cat. We let him explore the rest of the house too. It was then that we decided to get him neutered. Nan had a little bit of an issue with it because she wanted him to be able to go back outside like how he loves so much but he couldn't while he was healing.
At the vet appointment we let them know that he was a wild cat who didn't like being handled. After the surgery they told us that he was such a good boy and didn't mind being handled which shocked us. It seemed to have went smoothly. What was also shocking was that on his paperwork it said that he was around seven years old which shocked us even more since we never would have thought that he was anywhere near that age.
After a few days my Mom noticed blood spotting all over her floor. I told her it must've been our other cat Milo since he has had a history of bleeding like that. We took him to the vet and it turned out he was fine. My mom blamed me and was mad at me since that was a huge waste of money.
After a few other days we somehow found out it was Jasper that the blood was coming from. ( I can't remember exactly how we found out ) We made a vet appointment. It would be a few days until the vet could see him.
In the meantime, we gave him lots of love and I spent as much time with him as possible. I still let him lay on my lap even though he was bleeding and therefore blood pooled all over my leg. As gross as it is I honestly didn't care. He was worth it.
On our way to the vet I kept trying to tell myself that he was going to die. But, for some reason it wouldn't register in my brain as something that was a real possibility. In the back of my mind something was telling me that he was going to get better and that we have nothing to worry about.
Nan dropped Jasper and I off at the vet. ( For reasons I can't remember I had to take him on my own ) We agreed that when the vet came in the room I would have her and my Mom on the phone.
Once we were in the room, the same nurse who helped with his neuter was in there weighing him and talking to me about how good a boy he was last time he was there before he got put under for his surgery. She also showed me how to properly pick up an abused cat to where it doesn't scare them. ( Can't remember any of that since there was all kinds of baby steps involved ) The vet came in so I get Nan and my Mom on the phone. We explain the situation, that he was just there about a week ago and got neutered and that he is now bleeding. etc. She looks awfully concerned about it. She tells us that she is going to take him to get an X-ray. After we went through the whole cost of it, ( We can't afford most things because we're broke. Most of us are disabled and I only worked two hours a day so I didn't make much either ) We agreed to go through with it. She carried Jasper out of the room. As they were walking out, Jasper looked at me with confusion in his eyes and his paw reaching out to me as if to ask "Why is she taking me away? Why aren't you going with me?"
After about ten to fifteen minutes, she came back in ( Without Jasper, might I add. ) with his X-ray pictures in her hand. I call Nan and my Mom back before anything was said. With them on the phone she tells us the results: He had a blockage in his urethra from being injured. Probably caused by his abuse in the past. It turns out that neutering him made it worse. It was possible he would never be able to use the bathroom again. He was in a lot of pain also.
Devastated, we asked for our options. She said that there was a surgery that they could perform to correct it. But even then the healing period would be very lengthy and there was a possibility it wouldn't work and he would die. We could either risk that, or just put him out of his misery sooner. ( As in, that moment ) We thought about it for a minute. We realized that since we were very broke and there was a very high chance that the surgery wouldn't work, we should just put him out of his misery instead of making the pain last longer with the very high possibly that it would be for nothing.
The decision was made. Breaking down, we ended the call and the vet left the room to get him ready. The whole time I was thinking to myself over and over "Come on, You told yourself that it was going to happen!" But it didn't make it any easier. I was heartbroken knowing that I would never get to see my Jasper again.
The nurse came in and had me sign the paper to give them permission to put him to sleep. She very much tried to talk me into going in there with him but there was no way I could do it. I was a disaster and I definitely didn't want to see him like that. I regret it so much now realizing that the last time I would ever see him was when he looked back at me all confused and reached his paw out to me. I realize now more than ever that I should've been there with him in his final moments to help him feel at peace. I unfortunately cannot change the past now but I would go back if I could and fix that.
The rest of the day was very hard for me. I made a video montage of our times together which gave me some comfort since I never got to say goodbye to him.
This was May 11th, 2020 and I still miss him now more then ever. He will never be replaced. This has been his memoir.
Thanks for reading
