August 8th, 2022
5:27pm
jaden!!!
yeah i guess
A day of radio silence, and Jaden comes back with three full-lowercase words, no punctuation, no conversation starter. This would be fun.
ranboo is typing...
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ranboo is typing...
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ranboo is typing...
jaden!!!
would it be weird if i asked you if i could vent
asking for a friend
my friend accidentally messaged someone venting and he realized how refreshing it is to talk to an actual human but he doesnt want to be weird
not me
extra not me if thats weird
ranboo
tell your friend that its not at all weird :D
jaden!!!
i feel so stupid
cause i KNOW hes a horrible person and i KNOW i shouldnt talk to him
but he was really really good at preying on my self-destructive tendencies and fueling them and making me think that they're good for me
which is exactly what i want when im in a self-destructive mood???????
so then you get times like yesterday where i get triggered by some random shit and my brain is like "talking to this guy is bad because he tells you not to do the stuff u want to do like go back to ur ex. you should go back to ur ex because he tells u to do the stuff u want to do like wither away and die!!"
and then another part of me is like "ur dragging this guy into all yr problems just cut him off and go back to ur ex hes the only one who deals with ur burden and treats u how u deserve to be treated; like shit"
and see now im thinking about how if we're ever friends this would be so unhealthy, me just fucking ranting every day thats not fair to you
none of this is
and thats why i just want to fucking back out
ranboo
jaden
i mean i think we're friends
but more importantly jaden if im uncomfortable or feel burdened i'd just tell you?? if i wasnt comfortable with you venting i'd just tell you. our friendship would be much more unhealthy if you just kept these feelings a secret and didn't tell me that you're worried about these things
i know you probably expected ne to say this, but your self-destructive thoughts arent you & you're practically grooming yourself at this point
like telling yourself that the person who wants the best for you is bad because the person who wants the worst for you lets you do bad things to yourself. you probably got that mindset from being groomed
i dont know if you realized that but jaden i think he groomed you
jaden!!!
i think i knew that
i dont know
i feel like everyone ive ever known has told me a huge list of horrible things he did to me
so it doesnt matter what people tell me at this point it doesnt exactly surprise me
it just feels like ive been in the wrong for so long that wrong is always gonna be right for me yknow
like at this point it doesnt matter how wrong i am, im just wrong. being wrong is right for me
ranboo
thats just not how that works at ALL
you arent even really "in the wrong" by doing self-destructive things, i think i'd more call it doing something unethical. but you cant be "too far gone", thats not how this works
jaden!!!
and this is why the self-destructive part of my brain hates you
you make
way too much sense
ranboo
glad to hear it :)
jaden!!!
i stay away from him a day longer i suppose
ranboo
awww cmon is that not worth at least three days of not making a really bad decision??
jaden!!!
bro when i wake up someone out there flips a coin and that decides the vibe for the day
i dont even get to flip the coin
i cant even promise one day
ranboo
im gonna find and kill the person who flips the coin so i become that person but im gonna get a weighted coin so it always lands on not self-destructive
jaden!!!
thats the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
ranboo
get used to it!!
jaden!!!
i dont deserve you
ranboo
WRONG AGAIN
YOU ARE READING
Not Him
FanfictionI was given the book "Not Him" by Rottingrivers which is one of my friends, so I'm working to finish it. There will most likely not be a upload schedule but i'll try to keep it kinda consistent! (Hopefully at least 1-3 chapters every week) This bo...
