Nafisa & Emad - نفسه و إماد

1

Smiling politely as she listened to him carry on about whatever it was he was saying, she made a conscious effort not to roll her eyes in annoyance as they pulled back the covers of their king sized bed. They'd been married 2 years at this point and she could count the number of times they'd made love. At first she wondered if he was shy, and didn't know how to approach her for sex, so she waited and waited giving him hints and all kinds of flirting throughout the day hoping it would boost his confidence and build up to something happening but most times it ended and began in sleep. So, then she thought perhaps he wasn't that attracted to her and she tried fixing herself up more and taking extra care about her hygiene and what she wore and how she did her hair, but he never seemed to notice nor complimented her which just made her feel ugly and insecure. She tried working out and losing some weight and bought new perfume hoping to gain his interest, still nothing worked. She summed it up to either he had a super low libido or just really wasn't into her, and that just made her angry, because, then why did he marry her. There was no intimacy between them, it almost felt like they were roommates. He barely slept in the same room and bed as her, and she had to beg him to touch her even so much as a hug or kiss. After two years of marriage he seemed very content with their love life, and she daydreamed constantly about what it could be like to be wanted and desired. The most she would be lucky to get in a day was a peck before he left the house to do whatever errands he had or attend the daily prayer, and those only started because she made a point to say "give me a kiss" every time before he left, so now she assumed he did it out of habit and sometimes reluctantly. She couldn't understand why he hated her so much yet he treated their son so differently. He constantly showered him with affection, from hugs to kisses and kisses and hugs. In the beginning of their marriage everyday she thought about ending it, for a whole year she tried and tried and constantly cried herself to sleep at night and knew he didn't care as he slept in the living room or the spare room, anywhere but with her. Her days were spent in depression and her nights were spent crying to herself and taking sleeping pills to fall asleep so she didn't think about how much she wanted to swallow a bottle of pain pills or jump from the balcony. Nafisa never felt so alone and lonely.