short stories

wish i was better - kina

Waking up every morning, I begin to miss you more and more. So I open your contact and call, closing my eyes and letting the phone ring.

'I been calling you up 'cause I'm missing you.'

Going into my day to day life, you're the only thing on my mind. You left, and you took my heart with you.

'I don't even know what I'm gonna do.
I say I don't care, that's not the truth.
Yeah, I'm still in love with you.'

I saw our friends yesterday at work, they don't like me anymore.

'And I know all your friends, they hate me too.'

I got fired yesterday too. My boss said I "Wasn't doing as good as I used to." I told him it was fine, and I didn't care. That I'd find another job.

'I wish that I was better at the things I do.
I say I don't care, that's not the truth.'

My mom called, asked me how I was doing. I told her I was over it and moved on.

'Yeah, I'm still not over you.'

On the walk home from work I called again. It went to voicemail, though I don't know what I was expecting.

'I been calling you up 'cause I'm missing you.'

The landlord told me that rent had been due two months ago, and I have one to get it to him. You always took care of rent, I did the food and utilities.

'I don't even know what I'm gonna do.

Your sister stopped when she saw me yesterday and said hello. Your friends were with her, and they just pulled her away. It brought a lot of pain, and I acted like I didn't care, but this probably didn't bring me as much as I brought you. I'm sorry, please come back.

'I say I don't care, that's not the truth.
I'm still in love with you.
And I know all your friends, they hate me too.'

I go in for another interview in a few days, but I don't think it's going to go very well.

'I wish I was better at the things I do.'

I don't really mind though. I can hold off a bit longer with the savings we had.

'I say I don't care, that's not the truth.'

I miss you. I wish you never left.

'I'm still not over you you.'

I sit at the grave, in the town we grew up in. It says "May 3rd, 2021. Lost, yet always loved and never forgotten." I still wish you were here, walking down the street so I could bump into you again and we could start over. Start everything over.

'It's been 2 years since I last saw you,
Still wish that I could run into you,
'Cause I know that you're still in our hometown.'

Maybe all this was my fault, I'm the reason you left that day. Would you even want to see me if you were still here?

'And maybe you don't want to see me,
And I understand if you don't want to,
But I will never forget you.'

I pick up my phone and dial your number, shutting my eyes and leaning on the head stone.

'I been calling you up 'cause I'm missing you.'

When I get back to the house, our stuff is outside and a note on the door says 'evicted.'

'I don't even know what I'm gonna do.'

I sit on the side of the apartment building, and a man passing by asks how I'm doing. I tell him "My girlfriend died two years ago, still not over it, and I just got kicked out. It's all good." He didn't reply and just walked away.

'I say I don't care, that's not the truth,
I'm still in love with you.'

Your family and friends heard what happened, they told me I deserved it, to get my life together. And they made it very clear that you're gone. It's hard to believe I was friend's with them at one point.

'And I know all your friends, they hate me too,
I wish I was better at the things I do.'

I said okay and told them I didn't care, but that was just a straight lie, and they knew it.

'I say I don't care, that's not the truth,
I'm still not over you.'

I go up to the roof for some more refreshing air, but I just end up calling again. It goes to voicemail. I sit on the ridge of the roof, and begin to talk.

'I been calling you up cause I'm missing you.
I don't even know what I'm gonna do.
I say I don't care, that's not the truth,
I'm still in love with you.'

And then,

They say I jumped.