people ask if you'd rather love or be loved.
after meeting you i realized that it was impossible for either or.
because loving you felt like heaven on earth.
it was that shiver of bliss when i get you to smile or talk to you for 5 seconds more.
loving you too felt like hot hell when i'd pick up on how you were less willing to talk to me or how you eyes didn't have the same insane sparkle as mine when they meet.
i can't describe what i felt when i realized you didn't like me too and that you probably never would.
loving is hell when you can't bear to be left behind.
loving is hell when that's what you've been doing since day one.
but being loved is hell when you know what they feel and can't help it.
just being loved feels like a million needles pricking on your concious while loving pricks at your heart.
never in a million year would i want either or.
i want to love and be loved.
or yet,
i want to love and be loved by you and just you.
(05-05-23)
