Tell me you love me | Rinney

Chapter 5-Decision

Chapter 5

I walked down the empty roads, with my heavy bag bringing me down

I was staring down to my feet, feeling empty yet confused

The only noise was the occasional breeze of wind coming through

I couldn't really feel nor think much, I wasn't worried per say just tense

.

I eventually stumbled upon my neighborhood, and cautiously entered my 'home.'

It was silent

I forgot Gwen wouldn't be here for another night, and I didn't know nor care where dad was.

I set my bag down in my bedroom, and sat myself down in the living room, turning on the TV in the process to some random channel, thinking about everything and nothing all at once.

I was so tired, not just physically, just from everything.

I'm so mad and confused on myself and how I feel

Im such a weird freak to be like this

As I sat contemplating my life, I slowly lost myself, and fell down into a slumber, and my dreamy fantasies filled my mind

.

.

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I awoke in shock to a loud banging door

I lifted my sleepy head in shock

I heard heavy footsteps approaching, and I began to panic

"Finn." A deep voice called out

I breathed heavily, and pulled myself towards his voice

My dad stood in the kitchen, pouring himself a drink like usual

"Yes dad?" I swallowed

He took a sip of his drink

"You do not go anywhere without my permission, ok?" He said demandingly

"Yes dad." I tried complying

He took another sip

I wondered why he bothered, when he doesn't show compassion to me ever

"I never really liked that Robin boy, he has a bad influence on you."

"Don't say that, you don't know hi-" I tried snapping back, but he turned toward me with a menacing glare

"I didn't ask for your input." He snarled

"But you don't get a say in who I'm friends with." I tried saying

"You're my son, I get to decide what you do."

"You can't control my whole life." I shook my head

He rolled his eyes to me and spoke

"If you want to continue bickering with me I'm not going to let you go to his house again."
"You can't do that!"

"I can do whatever I want! If you keep pushing, I won't allow you to even talk to him."

"You can't do shit. I can do what I want." I looked away angrily

"Quit it with this attitude." He pointed to me

"What attitude?" I yelled

"You're such an annoying stubborn brat." He shook his head

My eyes filled with tears

He drinked

"Quit crying. It's annoying. You're not a fucking girl. Man up."

"Shut the fuck up." I yelled, running to my room, slamming to door and locking it

I slid down the door, and began to cry

I heard the distant shouts of my father, but tried to ignore it

I looked towards my bag, and noticed Robin's shirt peeking out

Oh shit, I accidentally took it with

I grabbed hold of it, and held it up to me, crying into it

Why is everything crashing down on me now?

I held it out, and felt the guilt rush back to me

Maybe....it is best if I stop seeing Robin for awhile

Maybe for once my father was right...

Fuck what am I thinking?

I care for Robin too much, and he does the same for me...but...sometimes I wish it could be normal. No, I wish I could be normal. Why do I have to feel the way I do? I'll end up hurting myself and Robin too. Maybe it's for the best. I shouldn't drag Robin into my mess...

I stood up, feeling confused on my options

I held the shirt in my hand

Sighing heavily, I brought myself down to my bed, draping my arm over it

I sniffled, the tears stained my face

What do I do?

Before I could think further on my plan, I fell back into a doze

But I dreamed of him.

.

.

.

I was in a frustrated mood in the morning.

I felt like crying again, but I was so tired of it

It hurts so much to think about him all the time

I'm getting restless

I should just stop this before it gets worse

I pushed myself up from the messy bed, ruffling through my rough hair locks

Staring off into the distance of my empty walls, everything felt blank

I felt so upset

I think

It's better off this way

For both of us.

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Sorry it's so short