I miss you, stupid

The love story between me and my crush

I know you'll never read this but somehow... I hope you will. I think I'll start with the beginning. Do you remember how we first met? We were on the school's football field, you were playing football and accidently you shouted the ball in my glasses. This story is kind of funny. I was so mad at you, I wasn't even paying attention to what was happening around me, my only concern was if my glasses were broken. You came to me so quickly, constantly apologizing and asking me if I'm okay... You really cared actually and were so worried about me when we didn't even know each other until then, it was the first time we talked. My friend told me after that you were patting me so gently on my back but I didn't realize, I didn't even look at you. You also texted me to say sorry and all I did was to leave you on seen, thing that today I regret.

Later on I posted a story on Instagram, you voted yes for talking and from that moment, a beautiful love story started... But stories don't always have happy endings, do they? We were talking every single day, from when we woke up until we went to sleep. We were always sending "good morning" and "good night" texts, we were telling each other every stupid thing we did that day, all of our secrets, every thing that made us happy or sad. We were consoling each other and giving each other advice. I remember one time I was so upset about a fight I had with my best friend and you told me not to cry because if I'm sad then you're sad too, you said that you'll listen and be here for me anytime and as long as I need to. You promised... You cared a lot about me and you just wanted for me to be happy. I couldn't wait to come home from school and tell you every detail about my day and you enjoyed listening to me. Or when something big happened or when you were excited about something, I was the first to hear it. We could talk about anything for hours without getting bored. We were sending lots of pictures of us making funny faces and laughing over literally anything. We had such great times together. Every time I saw your name in my notifications I would start hearing my heart beating so hard. Talking to you was the favorite part of my day, I could forget about any of my concerns just talking to you. And I'm sure you felt the same. 

I remember how you were telling me how much you love me, how much you care about me, how you couldn't live without me and how you will never give up on me. Was everything just... a lie? You made me feel so special, you made me feel like a princess, "your little princess". We used to have so many inside jokes. You said I was your little sister from another mother, you protected me, took care of me supported me in everything I was doing. Remember how you used to call me "my little one" and I was getting mad at you because I didn't like it? Honestly, now I would give anything just for you to call me like that one more time. Or how you were teasing me and calling me nicknames (I tried looking like I hated it, but believe me I was loving it). It's been almost a year since we first talked and there were so many small things that I wish I would have appreciated more because now I miss everything we had. And mostly, I miss you. No, I miss the old you. I miss your stupid face and those green puppy eyes you were giving me, your big smile you had when you would see me and say hi to me, your funny bowl hairstyle and our secret glances we gave to each other. You became my best friend and later, my love, thing that I would have never thought it would happen. You were such a sweet and sensitive boy, so different from the others. But now, you've changed radically. You're wearing only Nike and Jordan, you became arrogant and you think you're superior and so popular, mostly among girls. Where did the shy lovely boy go? It didn't bother me that you weren't so popular and attractive and tall like those bad boys. It was actually a thing I loved about you. And then, there's her, aka your new girlfriend, the girl that you knew she hurt me the most and was such a bad person with me who always looked for a reason to make me suffer and put me down. You knew and you promised you'll never replace me with her, that you'll never be influenced by her and that you'll always remain by my side. Yet still you forgot about me and now you always go out with her, talk to her on the school's corridors, hug her and treat her like you used to treat me, like I didn't even exist in your life... And when you told me "you don't understand how much I cared about you all this time" while we were fighting, it just hit me like a train.

Why would you do this to me? Was I that easy to replace? Did I do something wrong? Maybe I'm always the problem, am I not? Does she even love you better that I can? I cared about you like I've never cared about anyone. You'll see she's not the one you think. You'll see I was right. But it just hurts so much to see you with her and treat me like a complete stranger, avoid me, like it never happened. This is not you. I feel like I find the old you only in your eyes. When my eyes meet yours, the time stops for a while. There's no one around us, there's just me and you staring at each other with nothing to say. Yet still we both know we feel the same. Eyes have a language of their own. A lot more things are said in silence, just looking in each other's eyes, am I right? That's also the moment where all the memories come back... Sometimes I'm wondering if you still think about me, about the times we had. Do you even miss me a little bit? Maybe you're thinking about me right now, when I'm writing this letter. But all of a sudden my hopes fade away when I remember that if you wanted to talk to me and to keep me, you would. However, I'm still here, waiting for you to come back and hoping that maybe we still have a second chance. I mean, you remember about me for sure when you do all the things we used to do with her, am I right? 

If we'll never talk again, just know I really loved you and I hope you'll someday realize that you made a mistake letting me go. I miss you... and I hope you miss me too.