La Puerto #1: Along with the Sun

Kabanata 27

Kabanata 27
Yes

We never get enough time for those people who matters the most in our life, right?

As grief represents our love and some unspent love that we want to give. It will remain with us in our unshed tears and in the hollow part of our chest. It's protruding through everything, sown in our hearts.

And grief.. is a reminder that love was once mine and I think that's the only beautiful thing.

"Condolence, Solenn..."

I remained silent while staring at my Daddy's picture. I don't understand anything and I don't know how to respond to anyone.

Pakiramdam ko tumigil na ang mundo ko. Ilang beses ko na kinukurot ang balat, pinipilit gisingin ang sarili dahil baka panaginip lang ang lahat. Hinihiling ko na sana panaginip na lang 'to.

It was the darkest point in my life wherein my faith was tested and my emotions become so blurred. I started to ask Him. Did I deserve this? Of all the people, he is the only person that I could call my home and my safe haven. I know death is something we couldn't stop but why did this thing happen so early?

Hindi niya pa ako nakikitang rumampa sa malaking runaway at makaapak sa stage dahil graduate na ako.

"Kakausapin namin si Mr. Villanueva..." Marahan sambit ni Olivia at kitang-kita na awang-awa saakin.

"No, it's okay."

That day I received a text message from Mr. Villanueva that I failed in his subject. Nagalit siya dahil ilang oras sya nag-antay saakin para sana bigyan ako ng special subject at pagkakataon ko na sana 'yon para mahila ang grades pero dahil sa nangyari kay Daddy nawala na sa isip ko 'yon.

Naluluha ako habang iniisip na kahit ang isang gusto ni Daddy... hindi ko nagawa. Hindi ako makakagraduate.

After my father's wake, I went back to New York immediately. I wanted to escape from the pain that tainted me. I've lost my diploma, my father, and even our businesses, I couldn't save.

Nakausap ko ang lawyer ni Daddy sa pagbebenta ng lupa at nabayaran na ito kahit ayokong nang ibenta. Hinihintay na lang ang pirma ko para makuha ko ang pera sa bangko. Umiiyak ako sa lawyer na bawiin ang pera pero ayaw na rin bawiin ng bagong may-ari ang planta.

I've felt like I'm a big disappointment that I kept on blaming myself for everything.

"Are you sure this is what your Daddy wants?" Napatingin ako kay Mommy na malungkot na nakatingin saakin habang inaayos ko sa lagayan ang urn ni Daddy.

"This is what we planned all along Mommy. I want him here in New York, just like he wanted." Narinig ko ang mahabang buntong-hininga ni Mommy at hindi na nagsalita.

It's so funny how my life turned out to be like this. After my father died, that's when I saw Mommy again. She has this pride of never reaching out to me when we got into a huge fight. She's offended and hurt by my decision that she almost cut me off.

I never heard a word to her when I got in Berlitze even though, Riva kept on updating her. Minsan iniisip kong masyado siyang nasaktan sa ginawa ko pero alam ko rin wala naman ina ang natitiis ang kaniyang anak. But she did it anyway.

Iyon siguro ang hinding-hindi ko maiintindihan. Na kaya akong iwan ni Mommy kapag sumuway ako sakaniya. Kung una pa lang hindi ko sinunod lahat ng gusto niya, nasaan kaya ako?

"Can we have our dinner later? Are you okay here?" Si Mommy habang pinasadahan nang tingin ang condo ko. It was just a small condo but it was fine for me.