Take Two

Chapter Seven

Micah

By the time I reached my apartment, tears were starting to slowly streak down my cheeks. I didn't want to cry, but I was so overwhelmed and so mad at myself for messing up that the tears came all on their own. I knew from experience they wouldn't stop until they were ready to.

I ran past the night doorman, not even bothering to acknowledge his greeting. Usually, I loved talking to Craig when I got home late. But I just couldn't stop tonight.

Once in my small one-bedroom apartment, I grabbed the phone and dialed the number by heart. It was only after she answered with a very groggy "hello?" that I realized two things:

One, it was close to three in the morning on the east coast.

Two, last time I saw my sister at her wedding a couple weeks ago, she told me never to talk to her again.

"I'm so sorry," I rushed out.

"Micah?" She sounded a bit more awake now. "Did something happen?"

The tears broke through whatever wall I had attempted to hold them back with. "I didn't mean to call you, Alison. I'm sorry. Go back to sleep."

She sighed. "Can I call you right back? I'm going to call you from the kitchen phone so I don't wake Daniel. Give me a minute."

I couldn't even form a response before the line went dead. Was that just an excuse to get me off the phone? Did she think lying to me was better than outright saying - again - that she didn't want to talk to me?

I let out a shaky breath, running my fingers through my hair as I sat on the couch. I was an adult. I could handle my own issues. I didn't need to be crying to my little sister who hated me just because I made a mistake.

When the phone rang a minute later, I nearly jumped out of my skin. The loud sound peirced the air, surely waking up the neighbors on the other side of the thin walls.

I answered as quickly as I could. "Alison?"

"Are you okay?" she asked gently. "Micah, seriously. I can hear you crying and I'm worried about you."

I wiped my face with my sleeve. "Why? Last time I saw you, you said..." I shook my head, not even wanting to say it out loud. It was still too fresh.

"I know what I said. And Micah, I am so sorry, okay? Is that what has you so upset? What I said? I didn't mean it."

"Alison, you called me a disgrace!" I snapped. "You said I was ruining my life. You can't just turn around and say you didn't mean it."

She was quiet for a long moment before she spoke. "Did you call me in the middle of the night just to argue?"

"No." I took a deep breath, trying to calm myself down. "I called because I almost had a panic attack. But don't worry, I'm fine. Sorry I bothered you. Go back to sleep."

I hung up the phone and slumped against the back of the couch. When I was seventeen, I told Alison I thought I might be into men. She didn't bat an eye back then and our relationship stayed as close as ever. When she blew up on me at her wedding, I didn't know what had changed. I was so hurt, and no matter what she could say, it wouldn't fix everything.

With a sigh, I stood and put the phone back on its base station. It was a stupid idea to call her in the first place. Why couldn't I stop making mistakes for once in my life?

The phone rang again and I contemplated just letting it ring. But it was too loud and I knew if I didn't answer, she'd just keep calling.

So I answered. "I said I'm fine."

"We both know that's not true," she said. "What happened?"

I sighed. "I sort of admitted to Renaldo Morales - of all people - that I find him attractive."

"Of course you do. He's gorgeous."

I leaned against the wall with a groan. "That's not the point. He's going to tell my bosses that I'm gay and he's weirded out by it. I'm going to lose my job! This will ruin my life!"

"Well, it is a little weird. You know that, right?" I inhaled sharply but held my tongue as she kept talking. "I'm just saying that if he's a little weirded out by that, then I get it. But I don't know about him getting you fired. That seems too extreme."

"It's not weird, Alison," I said sharply, unable to hold back any longer. "This is my life. This is who I am and I can't change that. I used to believe you were okay with it, but now I don't know."

She sighed. "Honestly, Micah? I don't know if I'm a hundred percent okay with it. I thought I was. But then I saw you flirting with Daniel's cousin at my wedding and... I don't know. I sort of lost it. Knowing it and seeing it firsthand are different."

Flirting. She saw me flirting with a man and that's what made her freak out? I should be glad she only saw the flirting and not what happened in the bathroom at the end of the night...

"No, they're not different," I retorted, pushing all thoughts of that night out of my head. "I'm gay. I always have been and I always will be. That'll never change."

"Micah, I know. And all I want is for you to be happy. But you're not, are you? Not if you called me in the middle of the night in tears because you're afraid being yourself is going to cost you your job. That's not the life you deserve."

I took a deep breath. It wasn't fair that she was a year younger than me and now happily married to the love of her life, who she could love freely without consequence. I had never had a real relationship in my life and, even if I eventually found my one person, I wouldn't be able to marry them and showing any affection in public would cause a scene, at the very least.

"What do I do if I lose my job?"

"Did he say he was going to get you fired?"

I shook my head, despite her not being able to see me. "No, but I sort of just apologized, said I was drunk, and ran out of there. I didn't let him say anything."

"You were drinking at work?"

I couldn't help but laugh. "No, we were at a bar. Just us."

I recapped the whole night, from the moment Renaldo stopped me in the street to me running out of there like a madman. Just hearing it all again, I came to the conclusion on my own that he was never going to want to see me again.

"You should just talk to him," Alison said. "He seems like a reasonable guy."

That was the problem - he seemed reasonable. He was an actor, for crying out loud! How much of the real him did he show people?

Whatever he chose to do was completely out of my hands now. I just had to hope he'd keep quiet if I stayed away from him.

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I'm posting a chapter a week early, just because I'm really excited about where this is headed now. The next few chapters are going to be interesting and I don't want to wait. 

Let me know what you think!