•𝐒𝐭𝐚𝐫𝐛𝐨𝐲• {Tom Kaulitz x fem reader}

𝐓𝐡𝐞 𝐕𝐢𝐬𝐢𝐭

I stand in the bathroom, paralyzed almost. The reflection in the mirror made me feel ill. I looked like I did 3 years ago.

3 years today.

Had it really been that long? Or had I just convinced myself to escape the grief. It felt as if I had just woke up from a surreal nightmare, like the accident only happened a week ago.

I looked terrible from the lack of sleep. My eyes had large bags underneath them, my skin was pasty and my hands wouldn't stop shaking.

The time is currently 6:30 am.

Two hours after they had been declared dead.

I let out a breath I didn't even know I was holding and lean against the cool sink, my heads in shambles. I didn't know wether to cry or just smash everything up in a fit of rage.

"Yn?" Toms groggy voice looms from behind the bathroom door, he knocks on it gently "you ok?" He asks. "I'm ok" I retort without pulling my eyes away from the reflection.

The door slowly opens to reveal Tom looking concerned and very tired. "What's going on?" He continues to question. I ignore the question and take a deep breath before mustering up a smile.

"Nothing" I walk past him and dry my hair off before pulling on a casual outfit of just a baggy top and some low rise baggy cargo jeans.

A tear manages to break past my eyelids, I had been fighting my tears back for a few minutes now. I felt ashamed crying. What right did I have to cry? I'd just be turning myself into the victim.

I wipe it away and finish my makeup before tucking a little plastic bag of weed into one of my many pockets.

I grab my phone and the bouquet of flowers I had brought a day prior to avoid any hassle. "Oh, todays that day huh?" Toms voice becomes more sympathetic and gentle.

I nod my head.

He absorbs me in a comforting hug before throwing some clothes on and grabbing my car keys. "Come on, I'll drive"

He leads me outside and we get in the car. We don't bother speaking, I think he could tell I just wasn't in the mood to.

We get to the graveyard after a while and after we park it takes a good few minutes to walk down to the two graves sat beside each other that read out a joint promise.

'We'll be waiting'
'Cross my heart and hope to die'

I found it a bit ironic of course because they're already dead so that promise would mean nothing to someone else but it meant so much to me and Mikey.

I sit down on the soft grass and place the flowers in the vase that I had placed in front of the graves the day of their funeral.

Me and Mikey had made it out of clay so they could have a piece of us with them.

Tom stands kneels down beside me and plants his hands on my waist for some added comfort.

I could feel my lips quivering and my eyes burning, begging me to just give up and cry. I stare at the small picture of my mother that someone in my family had obviously put here before i came.

"You look like a mix of both" Tom rubs my shoulder and kisses my cheek. "You think so?" I ask. "Yea"

"Hey could you go wait in the car for a bit?"

"Yea of course" rubs my arm one last time before standing up and traveling back to my car.

I just sit there for a while, my eyes shut. All I could do was think about when I was younger and everything was normal. That is until someone's voice pulls me out of it.

"Thought I'd find you here"

I snap my eyes open and look behind me to see Mikey. I don't even bother answering him, I just turn back around and pretend like he isn't there.

"I'm sorry you know" he sits down beside me "I was high and on shit" he explains. "You told me you quit" I spit. Mad that he had lied to me.

"You're a bad person" I continue. "I know" he nods his head and looks at me with the most heart wrenching expression I'd ever seen. My eyes widen almost at the shock. On any other day he would have made some snarky comments if I'd said that.

"I guess we both have something in common" he turns his face away from me to admire our parents resting place. Maybe I spoke too soon..

"I'm going to Germany. No matter what you say"

"I know. I won't try to stop you. Even tho I want to, I know I have to let you go at some point. Sooner or later" his voice cracks as he speaks. "I freaked out because the only thing I found normal and comforting is having you around"

"But I am proud of you, and I know they are too"

My eyes start to pour with tears, causing my makeup to run and leak down my face. Mikey's arm wraps around my shoulders in a comforting manner.

"I'm sorry Mikey." I murmur, trying my hardest to stop the waterfalls in my eyes. "I'm sorry too"

We sit there for a while, not saying anything else. And even tho he tried so hard to hide it, I knew he was crying. Just like every other time we were sat here.