(Derek's POV)
Weed and alcohol. Basically what stiles lived on. That and pizza. But mazzios was closed so this will have to do. We meet up on the hill that over looks the town. From here it looks peaceful. He brought the bong over and loaded a bowl. "You can have first hit." He said. I'd bought the weed, it was NYC diesel. I also bought purple haze, strawberry cough, and sour diesel. I lit the bong and inhaled. I was instantly hit with a grapy and petroleum taste. I gagged and blew out. Stiles scrolled through his phone. Sighing and muttering. "What wrong?" I asked. "Oh uh.. my dads pissed at me." He answered. "Why?" I asked. He chuckled. "He's always mad at me." He said. I looked him up and down. As his blood pressure rose and his heart pumped. "He doesn't listen to me. He doesn't care about me. he doesn't love me. All he cares about is himself and-" he cut himself off... he looked at me for second before chucking "whatcha thinking about?" He giggled. "Whatever your thinking about?" I answered. He stopped. Then laughed. His blood pressure and heart went back down. He grabbed the wine bottle and sat it between his legs and stared at it. He was thinking about it. "Do you think about death?" He asked. "Of course. Everyone does." I answered. "Are you scared? Of death I mean." He asked. I thought for a second. "I'm afraid of... nobody being there. For my death and my funeral. I don't want to die alone. What about you?" I said. "I'm scared that I'll die a failure and unloved. I don't wanna die and everyone say I didn't do anything or everyone just forgetting about me. But more... I'm afraid that I am unlovable and a failure. You know?" He explained. "You not unloveable. You are adored." I said. He laughed at me. "If you think that then your dumber then me. They don't love me. There all using me." He said as he opened the bottle. "I mean all I do is fuck up right? Im a fucking murderer! That's what Scott said. Now... he doesn't even have to say it for me to see it in his eyes. He thinks im disgusting. You all think im disgusting. I killed Donovan, I killed Allison, I killed aiden, I killed-" I cut him off "do not blame yourself for what the nogitsune did." I said. He looked at me with a anger I hadn't seen in a while. "I would have killed you too If I wasn't stopped. he wanted me to kill you next. If you were gone... I'm not..." he stopped like there was a secret he was trying to hide. "Just don't act like I'm innocent in this." He said. His eyes held so much guilt and self loathing. He looked down and went to drink the bottle but I grabbed his wrist. He looked at me. "Your the victim. In all of this. Your a victim of what your fathers done. Of what others have done. Of what you were forced to do. But your still here. You survived." I told him. He looked down. "I don't feel here. He took a part of me That i will never get back. I feel dead." He said. He looked away as his heart rate start to quicken again. I grabbed the bottle and moved it away from him. His breathing became frantic. "Can you give me a minute? This is embarrassing." He mumbled. "Go ahead and cry. I'm not gonna judge." I said. He started to cry. "I hate this. I hate this so much. Why does everything have to suck?" He asked. I rapped my arms around him. He tried to sit up but he melted into my arms and sobbed. "Why can't I just be happy? Why does I always get sad at the worst fucking times?" He said in between sobs. "I wanna be a kid again. Back when stuff was simple and everyone didn't resent me. Back when my dad still loved me." He cried. I played with his hair and shushed him. He sobbed frantically. He sobbed into my shirt. "I wish I'd died with the nogitsune. That way I died a hero." He mumbled. "Don't say that." I said. "fuck you! You look at me the same way they do!" He pushed away and stood up. He looked down at me then the cliff. As he walked over to the edge I stood up. And walked behind him. "Derek?" He asked. "Yes?" I answered. He turned to look at me "Answer me honestly. Please. Don't lie to me. Don't give me bullshit. Just tell me the truth... do you hate me too? Do you think I'm disgusting?" He asked. I looked him in the eyes. "I don't hate you. Anyone who does is a piece of shit and a hypocrite cuz anyone as kind and honest and loving as you who was made to do anything as heinous as you were forced into doing deserves nothing but the love that they need and the kindness they output. Your not what you did, your not what the nogitsune did, your not who your dad thinks you are and and your not what they think you are. Your not disgusting. Your perfect." I said. He looked up at me with such hope. "If you were gone I would kill my self. Cuz you consume my every thought. Awake and asleep. Cuz your the only person who understands." He said. His eyes puffy and red and his nose running. "I wish I could fix everything that's happened to you. If I had know you sooner I'd done whatever to protect you." I said. He walked over to me and kissed me. He was desperate. He smelt like oxytocin. His brain was pumping as many feel good chemicals as it could. His heart and blood pressure were calm but he was pleading and clingy. I put my hand around the back of his neck to keep him close to me. He pushed himself up against me. I pulled back to breath. But put are foreheads together. "I..." he mumbled. "It's okay... don't freak out..." i said. he smiled.
