𝐕𝐎𝐈𝐂𝐄𝐒, charles leclerc

01 ; the sea of colours

The interviews after the race were the worst. George or Lewis always dragged me along as if they would get anxiety attacks if I wasn't there and because I couldn't hear anything, I was completely dependent on them.

My father just looked at the behavior with a smile on his lips and a shake of his head, but otherwise said very little about it.

"I can't believe you're still dragging me everywhere with you. It's like I'm your mascot." I shook my head, let my arms hang at my sides and let myself be dragged along, ignoring the curious looks of the fans lined up behind the boards. "We're just lost without you."

George shrugged his shoulders innocently.

There was a grin on the lips of the two pilots that I would have liked to wipe away.

Quicker than I'd intended, the two were called over by an interviewer and I stood motionless, looking around the area while Lewis and George did the talking. Both drivers had an arm around my shoulders and wouldn't let me escape if I'd had the chance.

Then I had no choice but to smile at the camera and nod.

I hoped that the others didn't think I had a disability.

Lewis tapped me on the shoulder, silently asking me if all was well or if we should move on. If it had been up to me, we would have left long ago, but I was afraid that the pilots would have to do these interviews. At least the top three who had made it onto the podium.

I could feel another person behind me and could see his hand on Lewis' arm as I looked over my shoulder. He smelled a lot like Charles and his body heat radiated towards me like a wall of fire.

It was already warm, so I didn't need a heater behind me.

George and Lewis looked behind me and I could see the amusement on their faces as they answered a question Charles seemed to have asked.

My brows furrowed in confusion and I looked at my best friend, trying to figure out what they were talking about without having to look at Charles.

Our rival was immensely attractive and had a smile that you fell for far too quickly.

Out of the corner of my eye, I could see George say something that looked a lot like "She's not ignoring you, she's deaf." and had to resist the urge to just look at the handsome Ferrari driver.

When he tapped me on the shoulder I felt compelled to look at him and I faltered when our eyes met.

Charles really did have the most beautiful eyes I had ever seen and I got lost in the sea of his colors.

"Hi," I managed to make out from him, forcing myself to focus my gaze from his eyes to his lips. "I'm Charles." I knew who he was. He seemed nervous, almost more nervous than I was.

A smile crept onto my lips and I wanted to say something back, but then I remembered that I hadn't said anything in years and I didn't want to embarrass myself.

I glanced briefly at George and then at Lewis before disappearing from the pack. I felt hot and cold as our hands brushed against each other. His hand was warm and big and I wondered how it would feel on my body.

And when the people around me became fewer, I started to feel lonely, so damn lonely, because even if there were people around me — they would never be able to understand me, would never be able to understand what it felt like when the world around you was silent.

And the loneliness started to crawl up my bones, swallowing me like a black hole and not letting me take a break.

Because this loneliness would haunt me forever, haunt me like a shadow.

I hugged myself, tried to somehow get comfort from my situation and suddenly it was all too overwhelming.

I was standing in front of the camera with famous people like it was a given, but it was anything but that. I walked around like it was normal to have a father who owned a fortune and even worse; I couldn't understand how the poor people must feel, how hard they had to work for their food while my father gifted me with the most expensive things.

I loved my father and I loved Formula One, loved the people with all my heart and was grateful to have grown up with some of them.

Along the way, I had lost many friends and made twice as many.

And yet loneliness would not let go of me, holding me in its iron claws.

Because I would never be like them, would never hear the engines of the carriages roar, would never hear the voices of the people who meant everything to me, would forever be dependent on someone who spoke the same language as me.

I stood at one of the tables and dropped my elbows on it and only a moment later my head fell into my hands, exhausted.

There were people walking around me and I knew that some of them were trying to talk to me, but I couldn't hear anything.

My life was so fucking cursed and I was trying so desperately to find a way out.

But there was no light at the end of the tunnel. For me, there was no happy ending or a prince in silver armor.

I would forever be Toto Wolff's disabled daughter, who he simply couldn't get rid of because she was so limited in life that she couldn't even walk across a street on her own.

I grabbed my hair with one hand, pulled it angrily and tried to stifle the tears that were threatening to spill from my eyes.

All of this —

The people, the surroundings,

It was too much.

Too much for me to cope with.

I was overstimulated and my emotions were threatening to burst out of me.

I just wanted to leave, I just wanted to go home —

Someone tapped me on the shoulder.

And I was happy to face Lewis as I lifted my head.

"Do you want to go?" His brows were drawn anxiously towards his scalp and he looked at me with that attentive look I loved so much. I sighed, not really wanting to spoil his good time. "You look pretty exhausted. I can't imagine how hard it is to be surrounded by so many people and still perceive nothing but silence." He gave me a smile and briefly put his arms around my exhausted body.

I only realized how much I had needed that hug when I felt my fingers clutching to Lewis' suit, desperately trying to find something to hold on to.

I felt him place a gentle kiss on my temple and I wanted to crumble, no longer wanted Lewis to hold the shattered pieces of my soul together and keep me from falling apart.