From Me.

in your eyes

I am always at fault.
 
In your eyes, I'm always the one who gives you problems.
 
I just can't defend myself.
 
All you do is shut me off, not listen to my side, and brag about yours like it's an achievement or motivational.
 
"Puro ka reklamo, wala kang inaatupag."
 
Hindi ko kayang ipaglaban sarili ko dahil, totoo naman sinasabi niyo ih.
 
Look at yourself. Wala rin naman kayong ginawa kungdi magreklamo sakin at sisihin ako sa sinasabi niyong sarili kong kasalanan.
 
Kaya, I don't have enough social confidence.
 
When everything I had built up for months and years is torn apart in seconds,
 
But when I give up building it, it really hurts, so I tried to put myself on defense.
 
I thought it had become numbed.
 
That's only what I had thought.
 
It gave me thought just because I didn't break down.
 
But I did.
 
And it hurts more than ever.
 
Every single time.
 
And now, even on my rest days, I can't fully rest.
 
I can't help but get burned out by your words used to me.
 
I can't help but rethink my existence.
 
I can't help it.
 
How could you drop those words as if they were nothing to you?
 
But just some stupid little sayings and letters.
 
You know what?
 
I tried to hold myself back from showing my emotions to you.
 
But guess what?
 
You kept pushing me as if I were like a doll to you.
 
Some old slaves will talk to you as if you don't care about their feelings.
 
Yeah, I know you care about me.
 
You only cared about my physical appearance.
 
You only cared about my physical health.
 
Yeah, you're right; fuck those mental health issues.
 
Screw those emotions; it's just some childish act anyway.
 
Fuck that "true happiness", I should be happy that I'm physically healthy.
 
Fuck those things about which I care; I should be taking care of the things that are more important to you than my own priorities.
 
How childish are my tears? Why are you crying anyway?
 
I have a caring and great family. Of course, they only care about their own satisfaction.
 
But when they ask me what I want to do, I can't decide.
 
It's because I grew up having them decide for me even if they didn't ask me first.
 
Yeah, I got a high grade; who cares about that stupid shit?
 
It's just a piece of paper anyway.
 
When do I get the chance for you to finally listen to me?
 
You really don't know me.
 
I'm not that child anymore who gets passionate about achieving something like you did.
 
Now I knew.
 
You only know me by my actions.
 
And that's what you only observe about me anyway.
 
Even when I didn't do it, you'd still not listen to my side and blame me for everything.
 
You never changed.
 
You were still that person in my childhood.
 
You were still them.
 
You never change anyway.
 
You made everything revolve around you.
 
And adapt to you.
 
You never change.
 
You are still them.
 
In my eyes, I knew that whatever happens,
 
It is still my fault.