It's darkness everywhere
Inside my heart,
Around my body,
Everywhere my eyes can reach.
With an empty yet heavy heart,
With the pond full of water,
I'm sitting in a crouched position
Looking at this white bright screen.
It's 4 am and is peaceful outside.
I admire the beauty of peacefulness
While the traumatising thoughts
Fill my mind and bring me pain.
The torture to my brain
Is not letting me sit on one place,
I move in circles, round and round
Biting my nails and with terror in my eyes.
Sad melody in the background is not helping me a bit.
It starts raining suddenly,
The thunderstorm snaps me out of my thoughts.
It stops me and makes me feel it.
It calms me down and urges me to sit.
Tears start flooding in my eyes
And soon one after one they start to trickle down my cheeks in a never ending loop.
I hug myself and try to wipe my tears
However they keep on falling from the overflooded white pond.
I wonder why do we even cry?
I ponder why do we even feel the pain?
Lightening struck again
and snapped me out of my thoughts.
Now I fell uneasy in my skin,
It irritates me as I think about people commenting on it.
Now the tears trickling down are burning my red cheeks.
Now my body is making me hate it more.
I can't handle the amount of anger I have towards me.
So I go to the kitchen and get a knife
Come back to my room and watch it for one last time.
All the thoughts of people who made me hate my body, are now running in my mind.
They are making my wounds deep.
I bring the knife near my veins to end all the pain.
I failed.
I failed to end it.
Maybe there is some love left for me and my body.
Or maybe it's just I'm too frail to end it.
Colourless liquid start to flow at a faster pace.
I throw away the knife and close my eyes.
Crouching down, I run my hands in my hair.
Although it stopped raining,
It is still dark and cloudy.
