This is Fire

FIRST VISIT (5)

MASON POV

It's been two weeks since I got put here. It's not all that bad, the withdrawal is literal hell but I know it's not going to be easy all the time. I still hate talking to Sarah but I think I've opened up more. I mean, now I haven't drawn her as Satan which I think is a fair improvement. Since it has been two weeks, I've just been given visitation rights. That makes it sound like I'm in a prison but remember 99% of the time it feels like a prison. I would know, Maya doesn't know.

I've started going to art therapy and it's been really freeing. Before being here, I hadn't touched anything, even a pencil in years. Sarah said that would be good for me to draw my feelings, I didn't quite get what she meant until I started. I've drawn a whole series of things to do with my emotions, they're not clear to anyone but me. I've done portraits of my parents and Maya but I've used colours to represent emotions. Because of how Maya has been recently, her portrait has an array of darker colours with some bright colours almost hidden but very much present.

Sarah has been trying to encourage me to talk to other people but I don't really see the point. I understand we're all here for the same reason but we aren't all in this together by any means. I'm seeing Maya today for the first time in two weeks and I can't help but be excited, I can finally talk to someone who isn't here or has experience of addiction.

-

"Hi Maya, how are you?" I ask as she sits opposite me in the art room. With visitation, we can sit wherever we want and talk. Maya has to get a pat down to make sure she isn't taking anything in but come on, what Firefighter is going to carry weed into a rehab center.

"I'm good, it's nice to see you. How are you?" she replies. It's all pretty cordial. I know she wants me to lead the conversation and I don't blame her.

"I've been drawing and painting again. Sarah asked me to show my emotions in pictures and it's been really freeing. Can I show you?" I ask, I don't think I've ever gotten such a big grin and aggressive nod from Maya before. I smile at that.

"So, I've done three portraits on people who affected my childhood. Not necessarily in a bad way but people who are important. So here I have you, and our parents. It's taken about two weeks to get it to where I want it. What do you think?" I ask

"Wow Mase, these are badass. It's great seeing you getting back into art again. Can I ask why we all have different colours?" She questions as she takes in all the intricate details of each portrait.

"Yeah so the different colours represent different emotions I have towards the person. Like with dad, there's a lot of darker tones which are cold. Mom has lighter and pinker colours and you have a mix of both. Dad was always cold to me, unforgiving to my mistakes and I'm pretty sure he hates me. Mom was always pretty maternal when you and dad would go to competitions, she would treat me as the person I wanted to be but that always stopped when dad came back. She was supportive and loving. With you, you can see both darker colours but a lot of light ones. It's my way of saying that there's things that happened in our past which affected me and still does. But if you look at the lighter colours, to me that is representing what the last three weeks have been for us. I hated you for a long time because you had the attention and love that I didn't have, but I think without our parents we can work on our relationship until it is as good as it was when were children." I give a massive speech. I think I was watching Maya's facial expressions so closely; I didn't want to make her upset but I needed to get it out.

"That makes sense Mase, it's horrible what you went through and I don't think I'll ever understand your experiences. I wish I could change a lot of things about how I treated you. I'm glad this is working for you" She replies shortly. I know she's pulling apart all of what I said, in her brain. She wants to make sense of it and I guess it leads to a different tone.

"I actually wanted to talk to you about something Mason, I told you that I have a friend who was homeless? I met up with him recently and talked about his time on the streets. He gave me some advice, but I was wondering if you'd like to meet him and talk to him. I want you to have someone in your corner who have experienced maybe just a fraction of what you have in your past" Maya asks and I smile. She really is trying to support me and be there.

"I'd really like to meet him. Maybe he can come in like two weeks? I'll be a month into my recovery, it might be good for me to speak about it with someone new" I say while smiling, she shares that smile. As I finish my sentence, we get interrupted by Sarah announcing that visitation hours are over.