style - the fractured but whole

- part 1 -

ALL CHARACTERS AND EVENTS IN THIS FANFICTION— EVEN THOSE BASED ON REAL PEOPLE— ARE ENTIRELY FICTIONAL. ALL CHARACTERS PERSONALITIES ARE IMPERSONATED... POORLY. THE FOLLOWING PROGRAM CONTAINS COURSE LANGUAGE AND DUE TO ITS CONTENT SHOULD NOT BE VIEWED BY ANYONE.

TW : alchohol, vomiting. (i think that's all)

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Many years ago, 9 classes linked to forces of power were released to Earth seeking wielders.
A prophecy foretold there would be mass destruction over Earth, a type of destruction only these heroes could vanquish. Each class became one with the new owner, this irreversible bond forever restrained them to a life of fighting.

-
My name is Kyle Broflovski, or publicly, Human Kite. I am 16 years old and I'm a superhero. I'm classified as an Elementalist-Blaster, meaning I use solar winds to fight in battle. Just weeks ago, our team split apart. The Racoon wanted power and fame for himself, he wanted to share his identity as Eric Cartman with the world. I always knew he was evil, I sensed this a few days before he left the agency. In short, we brainwashed him in his sleep. He no longer remembers any strategies we used or any hero's secret identity.

8 of 9 wielders have already been discovered,
myself, Kenny McCormick, Eric Cartman, Wendy Testaburger, Craig Tucker, Tweek Tweak, and Tolkien Black. Only 8 fight for the greater good, or used to at least.
The 8th is Professor Chaos, he thinks this is all a game, he doesn't understand. In the past, he's done pretty ineffective things. Just last week, he changed the locks of numerous places across town. We could've kept fixing these harmless "crimes" until Eric joined him. The Coon has taken advantage of him and is feeding into his delusions. Before The Coon switched sides, we thought there could be a way to give Professor Chaos a change of heart. With only 7 classes working together there's no shot. We need the eighth wielder, it's the only chance we have at victory.
-

My boss, Mysterion, assigned me a side mission to find the ninth wielder. He gave me a clip board with a character sheet. It was empty besides the name "Stanley Marsh" written across the top. I was told to gather as much information as I could during the car ride back to HQ where we would then run a few test on him.

-

I knocked politely on the door, no answer. I knocked again a little more aggressively, still no answer. After a few seconds of pondering a solution I used my powers to blast lasers on the lock, causing it to break. This gave me easy access, I gave the door and slight push and walked in.

"Hello? Anyone home?"
No response.
"Uh- I'm Kyle, from The Classes Agency."

After walking through the entire first floor I headed upstairs. I softly opened the first door on the right, revealing a tall, black haired teenager laying on his bed staring at the ceiling.

"Stanley Marsh?"

"oh heyyyyyyy" He slurred his words.

"Are you drunk?" I asked, taking a few steps into the room.

"Me? Nah. Well maybe... just a little bit."

"Come with me we need to go."

"Go where?"

"Don't ask just do." I grabbed his wrist in an effort to pull him to a standing position.

"Yeah okay mom." He laughed at his own joke, even though it wasn't really funny.

As he was about to stand up and follow me, he bolted to the bathroom. Throwing up, I assumed. I helped him with all of that and then led him out to the chauffeur, who would be driving us back to HQ. I felt bad for taking advantage of his drunken brain but Mysterion would have my head otherwise.

-

"So uh- Stanley. That is your name right?" I asked once we were in the car. I was really hoping I hadn't gotten the wrong kid. Though it could be possible, I doubted the missing wielder was an alcoholic.

"Stan. Where are we going? God don't tell me I got kidnapped that easily." He said.

"Okay Stan could you fill out this form for-" He was sleeping on my shoulder. Lovely. I leaned my head on his and rested my eyes until we got back to HQ which was just outside of South Park. It had been awhile since I'd gotten a good nap, even if it was only around twenty minutes. There's been so much extra stress since The Coon left. We been gathering information and creating technology which could help us find the ninth wielder. I was really hoping it was Stan, he was kinda cute. No Kyle, don't be ridiculous.