| CHANGE | Pride Entry 2023

Pride

The words in italics represent Antoinette flashing back momentarily.

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Antoinette

Things change, people change everything change.

I smiled to myself as I continued to get ready. Purchasing this Indigo album had to be one of the best decisions. From the whole album I'd have to say Change was the one that stuck with me. It's meaning was very special to me.

I was suddenly teleported back to middle school,I can't remember when or where something just ticked but it happened.

Love change.

It changed alright.

"Wanna go makeout under the bleachers?" my boyfriend asked.

"O-okay."

Back then it was a flex to be the robotics president's lady,even if the pre-puberty acne was doing a number on him.

That was literally one of the worst days of my life. I thought makeouts were supposed to be,I don't know, enjoyable.

In a jiffy I had pushed him away,he stumbled onto the ground and I was running back inside through the double doors.

I couldn't face him for a week, because I couldn't understand why I'd done that either. I didn't know what to say that would explain what I did. All I know was that it just didn't feel right.

Eventually I heard he was sharing kiss cooties with some other girl and well that was that,which didn't bother me because come on it was middle school,we didn't even know what we were doing half the time anyway.

After that,it was a wave of denial. I just convinced myself that it was just my nerves acting up because I hadn't been with anyone before anyway.

By the time I was in my sophomore year of high school,it was getting a little hard to hide.

I couldn't control how my eyes lingered on some girls' bodies,how pretty they looked and I remember that one time I had a run in with Macy Sanders,who was the hottest girl in school by my standards anyway.

I groaned as I gripped my tummy. Curse pb and j sandwiches. I'd spent the past fifteen minutes crunched over the toilet spewing out my guts.

After rinsing my mouth and chewing some gum for the good of everybody I got ready to leave the bathroom just as Macy walked out of the stall.

I watched her reapply her gloss,before pulling her hair into a ponytail. My eyes dropped to her bare neck.

If I could just leave a little mark th-

I stopped my train of thoughts. Was I just horny or was that the vampire in me blooming.

She slung her bag over her shoulder heading for the door. 

Noticing her cherry lipstick that had dropped I grabbed it,this was my chance to talk to her.

"Macy Sanders!....."

God why did I say both names,I mentally face palmed.

"Yeah? Your Tonny right?  Drama club?"

"Yeah that's me. You ummm... Uh,you dropped your cherry lipstick."

This is the important part guys!

"Thanks, you look like you could lose some."

Well that wounded me but anyways,

I rolled my eyes, "well yeah but..."

Boom her lips were on mine.

"See you around." And with a wink she was out of the door leaving me rooted in my spot for the next ten minutes.

I laughed internally,that was one of my epic moments till date. Macy graduated and I never saw her again. But basically my official gay awakening.

Unfortunately my change wasn't welcomed by many.

Friends change.

Coming out to my 'friends took a lot of courage and their reaction almost pushed me back in,fearing the same reaction from my family.

"I don't really want to be seen with someone who's booking a one way flight to hell. Later fag."

That should be in the world's top ten high school traumatic moments. Right next to being next to the school bell when it rings.

I was in a vulnerable position,my friends had disowned me,I'd definitely get thrown out of home,or on the next flight to hell if I dared to come out.

Fast forward to junior year. I'd met a girl and well,she made me happy. I was at a football game with her,when suddenly our little makeout was interrupted by the eyes that were on us.

Looking towards the big screen,I turned to see the two of us broadcast for over a thousand people to see! Including my parents who knew their daughter was nursing a cold back home! Double screwed.

So the rational thing was to talk it out and wait for the attention to die down right? Wrong. I bolted and found myself at the back door of the boys locker room.

Anxiety boiled within me. So I'd take a bus,shave my head,get a convincing enough Latina name and never see my family again.

My brother found my sorry ass and that's when we had that life changing conversation.

Everything change.

"Well I'm the star quarterback but I gotta say,my little sister just knows how to grab a spotlight," Arthur said plopping down next to me.

I couldn't even laugh at his lame attempt to make me laugh.

I looked at my brother's eyes expecting a lot of hostility,shocked at the warmth in them.

"I'm going to hell,Arthur."

He cackled, "Yeah and I made it into the NFL."

"That's going to happen though," I scratched my head.

"I know you get my point Tonny. I've known you liked girls for a while. It's ok to. Love knows no gender."

"Why didn't you say anything?"

"Well I was letting my little sister bloom and blossom into this blasian goddess. You know how they say you should never interfere with a canon event? Yeah. I was doing just that.

You've changed,but that's normal,I do reckon if there was no change,this world would be a little bland. It's world's shape. And this doesn't make me see you differently. Your still my bumble bee," he said as he tried to nuzzle me.

"Hey!! Your ruining my curls!! How do you think mom and dad will react?"

"It might take them a little adjusting to do but they'll be ok. Now,I gotta hit the showers. Oh and you going by Tonny instead was kind of a giveaway."

"Maybe I was just having a tomboy phase idiot!"

He rolled his eyes disappearing into the locker room.

I came out to my parents,and I was happy to be walking in my pride. It wasn't as bad as I imagined and I embraced the change that was happening. It signified my growth.

Realizing the song had ended I was only brought back to my senses by the sound of the doorbell.

I picked up all my pride posters. At my first pride meetup up I'd met Flair. A red head with a Taylor Swift obsession and eyes that lit up like the stars did on a dark night. Plus our star signs were compatible so.

I opened the door to her warm smile as she held out her hand to me.

"You ready?"

I smiled back.

It was officially our month to celebrate,not that we don't but you get me. And we were going to do that unapologetically,at least for the next thirty days. Because this,was a change worth sharing and embracing.

End.