If Only- A Tere Bin Story

The Aftermath

The throbbing headache is killing him as he walked out of his portion of the Haveli. Murtasim had a faint realization that Marium's Rukhsati is going on right then but he didn't care. The world around him is blurring into obscurity as he walked towards his Range Rover. Meerab's words kept reverberating in his head.

I hate you....and I hate myself for loving you even for a day.

I want to cleanse myself of your touch, your embrace and I want to wash your existence away from my life

Her words were like daggers, stabbing him again and again....the pain of her words was physical, so much so that Murtasim's eyes started watering up.

Rohail is better than you

Rohail is better than you 

Rohail is better than you  

Meerab's voice was like a chant in his head, saying the same hurtful words over and over again. Murtasim started his car, his body working on its own, and sped out of the main gate of the Haveli having no idea where he was going.

Bukhtu saw him leave and decided to follow him, after all he was Murtasim Khan who had many enemies. It's not safe to let him go alone at this hour of the night.

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Meerab sitting on the ground, her knees drawn to her chest, her head in her hands and non stop tears falling down her eyes. All her trauma of abandonment, all her distrust was taking a very solid shape rightnow.

'You are so stupid Meerab,....how could you trust him? he played you like a fiddle and now is ready to drop you', a voice inside Meerab's head is saying. 

'You were nothing but a conquest' the voice said bitterly and Meerab felt nauseous. 'How could you trust him, how could you trust anyone from this family knowing what they did to you' Meerab closed her eyes and covered her ears to stop the voice.

'The joke is on you Meerab' the voice isn't going anywhere.

 Meerab started shaking, a sudden madness is building up inside her. She rose up and looked at the bed, the bed they had slept together, the bed they had made love on and an urge to destroy it arise in Meerab. She let out a scream and pulled the sheet and comforter all in one crazed-out motion. The pillows came tumbling down too. She was looking around the room to break something when her eyes caught the glint of the ring in her hand, the Khan's family heirloom, the one Murtasim gave her on their otherwise uneventful wedding night on Maa begum's instructions.

Meerab snatched the ring out of her finger and throw it away with as much force as she could muster. She felt like the room is spinning and had suddenly become Oxygen deficit. The desire to run away from here was too strong to ignore, so she ran.

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Murtasim drove and drove and then stopped all of a sudden, in the middle of nowhere. It was apparently the side of the river running through Hyderabad. He got out of the car the walked straight with no direction in his mind. He stopped about 15 feet ahead and took a deep breath, probably trying to get the river-side cool breeze to put off the fire inside him.

He was feeling a range of emotions all at once. Jealousy, Insecurity, Confusion, Frustration and Hurt. It was overwhelming, his chest tightened. He loved Meerab deeply but felt uncertain about her reciprocation and was experiencing significant emotional turmoil. He was oscillating between confusion and despair.

Meerab's words made him feel threatened by the appreciation she appeared to give to this Rohail person, leading him to extreme distress. Jealousy was making his stomach turn.

The deep love he had for his wife and the belief that she considers someone else better is causing Murtasim absolute despair. He was struggling to reconcile his feelings of love and affection with the perceived notion that he is not the preferred choice by Meerab.

A tear drop rolled down his cheek and he allowed it to because he was completely alone in this state of sadness. The great Murtasim khan finally broke down and cried not knowing that Bukhtu has followed him and watching his breakdown from afar.

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Meerab came running out in the parking area, frantically trying to locate Waqas Ahmed's, her baba's,  car. She saw the car already on the drive way moving towards the exit. She ran towards is and called out "Baba" as loud as possible.

Waqas Ahmed heard Meerab's voice from a distance and immediately checked the back-view mirror where he saw Meerab running towards his car and calling him out, her body language was panic-struck. Waqas pushed the breaks at once and with a swift motion came out of the car. 

Meerab came running to him, her face covered with tears her state distraught and a wave of rage built up inside Waqas.

"Did they do something to you again? did Murtasim do something or say something?" he was asking her with controlled anger in his voice as she came to stop in front of him.

Meerab shook her head frantically and said, "Just get me out of here please...." she was barely getting the words out between the hysteria, "Please don't abandon me this time Baba....Please!" she was pleading between tears and Waqas started tearing up too.

"I won't.....I will never." Waqas said decidedly and then gently guided Meerab inside the car. He settled himself back on the driving seat and looked at a very agitated and confused Anila. 

"Ghar ja ke baat karty hain." (We'll talk about it at home) He declared.

And then the Waqas Ahmed's car drove swiftly out of the Khan Haveli, taking Meerab away from the turmoil and pain that had been caused to her in this place.

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Note: Why I wanted to write a separation track?

Well, I believe Murtasim  and Meerab, as indivisuals are too volatile to have a stable relationship without dealing with their inner demons. I wanted to explore Murtasim's ego issues and insecurities when it comes to Meerab. I also wanted to explore Meerab's Abandomnment issues and her psychological state. Also, a quick "kiss and makeup" would have been out of character.

For that I believe a little separation and time alone was required.

PS: While writing the Meerab's meltdown scene in the bedroom I kept picturing Yumna Zaidi. She would have killed it....if only!