The Red Devil Bucky Barnes x male reader

no signs of hope

You had no idea how long you had been sat there for, you knew you hadn't moved since you sat down and that was last night, if you had to guess it would be after 4 A.M as by now the room had now been engulfed in light that found its way through a gap in the curtains

Your body aches, there was the beginnings of a headache building in the back of you head and behind your eyes that felt dry

You were tired and probably didn't smell that great, and suddenly your thought or lack of thought was interrupted by a knock on the door

Buckys knock

The door slowly opened revealing a clean and well rested Bucky with a gentle smile on his face carrying a brown paper bag, he looked at you for less than a second before his expression was quickly replaced by a look of concern

"Red, have you slept?, or moved at all?"

His vision then shifted to the bed that was still neatly made

"You've been sat like this since I left the room last night haven't you"

The last part was said more like a statement rather than a question as he looked at you in silence waiting for some form of response

You gave a single silent nod

He shut the door and walked over to you and sat next to you and opened the brown paper bag pulling out a small packet of small sugared donuts and passing it to you

You looked at it quizzingly before looking back up at Bucky waiting for some kind of explanation

"You had Breakfast in 40's Russia right?"
There was a slight hint of playfulness in his voice

"Go on you need the energy"

"But you-"

"I have my own don't worry"

You took the little bag of donuts from him and he then took out another little bag of donuts out of the original brown paper bag and started eating them soon you were both eating sugary donuts whilst sat next to each other on your bed in a comfortable silence

God knows when you last had something that tested so good, you didn't even notice how hungry you were as much as you wanted to savour them they were gone within minutes

It didn't take Bucky long to finish his food as well and there was a brief pause before he spoke

"We've got a meeting in a couple hours, so your going to want to clean yourself up a bit, there some clean clothes in the bathroom as well as a towel I recommend a shower"

The idea still seemed like a bad one, it was like you had this gut feeling it would kill someone, or someone would attempt to kill you, of course that sounded ridiculous to you, that wouldn't make any sense, you knew the only people in here right now were yourself and Bucky the bathroom door had an internal lock, so it made no sense, it couldn't happen and you couldn't let anyone get the impression that you were that unstable

"Alright"

"Do you need anything?"

"..No"

"Okay, well the meetings in about an hour and forty minutes so I'll let you have a shower and get ready and then I'll come back to get you alright?"

"Yeah okay"

Bucky flashed you a small smile before he placed the rubbish in a small bin that sat near the door

You were by yourself again

'Right, let's get this over with'

The water felt like heaven on your skin, you felt the tension slowly leave your shoulders as you held your eyes closed, soon moving on to wash yourself with the shower gel and then wash your hair with the shampoo and then all of a sudden that feeling came back

The tension

The dred

And then all of a sudden it was as if your head was submerged in water

You were choking
You couldn't open your eyes and it was as if you could feel a hand gripping you by the hair harshly

It only lasted a few seconds before your eyes shot open

In a state of panic you practically dived out of the shower hitting the ground with a hard thud and quickly crawling backwards until your bare back hit the cold tile wall

Your ability to breathe was limited and frantic, you could feel the water from the shower on your face and suddenly there was a flash of a memory in your head

It only lasted a second but it was vivid, as if for a sort moment it was happening again

The feeling of a mans hand gripping the back of your head as you were on your knees crouched over a large bucket of water both of your shoulders being held by another man on each side and suddenly your head being dunked into the bucket again

Suddenly being able to let air into your lungs again you managed to grab the towel that was next to you, immediately using it to dry your face, you needed to make sure there was no water on your face and suddenly there was a panicked knock on the door of the bathroom

"Red, are you okay?"

"Y/n?"

"If you don't answer im going to come in"

You let the towel you were holding fall onto your lap as you let your head hit the wall behind you

All of your energy had been drained it felt too difficult to keep your head up and too difficult to let it fall back slowly so you just let it hit the wall as your limbs felt limp

The sound of the door next to you suddenly opened as a panicked Bucky quickly walked in and looked at the current lay out of your bathroom

There was a pool of water between the open shower that was still on and were you laid in an exorsted sate slumped up against the wall with only a damp towel covering your modesty

He then crouched infrount of you, some of his hair falling infrount of his eyes

His voice was hushed and careful as if he was taken over by worry yet some how also patience

"Red what happened?"

There was a pause, you weren't even sure if you could trust your voice for this but you had no choice but to answer

" Nothing, i just slipped"

"Red"

"..."

"I need you to tell me what happened"

It was as if he was almost pleading with you

And to make matters worse for a moment Misha crossed your mind again

And you could feel yourself cracking on the inside, the feeling of your eyes welling up

'Not now, please not now'

' not in front of anyone'

'Please stop, why wont it all stop'

And as you closed your eyes in protest at the idea of shedding a single tear you answered him in a slightly shaken voice that you could only hope he wouldn't Notice

"I just don't like water"