Him - a heartstopper fanfic

Is something.... Missing?

Helloooo babessss so This is a new story by me and my friend h_heartstopper we post it on both of our accounts so have fun!

TW: anorexia, blood, puke.

𝐍𝐢𝐜𝐤'𝐬 𝐏𝐎𝐕:
Every night Charlie and i started going for a drive because it's the only time I can find him calm enough to talk to him without ending in a fight.

I know it's because he is so stressed right now with his anorexia  going insane again. And I can't blame anyone for it, I know that but all I want is my fucking husband to love himself as much as I love him.

" can we l talk?" I ask, softly.
He turns down the music a bit and takes my hand.
We both know what this conversation is about, but it has to be put to words.
" where do we even start" I smile a little sarcastically
" can I start?" He adds
" of course"
" I don't know what the fuck is wrong with me nick. My head is going so crazy with all these things I need to do and in a specific order and timeline and I can't do it anymore Nick, I can't do this anymore."
I pull over. I get out of the car and walk to his side and open the door and he steps out and I just hug him, we stand there and he just cries and I let him. I let him get it all out.

" it's okay, I've got you baby" I whisper
I hate that he feels like this. I hate that someone as perfect as him has to go through this. And I hate that no one does anything about it, except me. I feel like I'm the only one who takes care of him which is selfish, I know that but I really do. Now I'm making this about me again.

He stops crying, looks at me and I ask him if we should go home which he says yes to.
Before we leave we just sit in the car.
" I think you should take a break from work Charlie, focus on yourself and take your time to yourself" I say, he turns to me "I can't just do that, can I?" He asks " yes you can"
"Okay" he says, nodding slightly.
I drive off slowly and as soon as we get home we fall asleep, cuddled up right next to each other.

I wake up a little after, and i just stare at char. I know Its sounds creepy, but he is just so beautiful. I love how he looks when he sleep, cause i know he's not hurting or worried or anything, he's just at peace. How can a person this pure feel so much pain. He doesnt deserve it. I dont know what i can do anymore. I feel uselesss.

He Always sleeps with his mouth a tiny but open and his curls covering half his face.

Its hard to believe that after 8 years together I'm still this head over heals for him, but Its the truth. Charlie is the love of my life, my soulmate. I dont know what i would do without him.

After an hour or so just staring at him i decide to get him to bed. I lift hum up and carry him to our bedroom.

As i place him on the bed he starts to move around a bit, and slowly open his eyes.

"I could've walked, I'm probably heavy" he mumbles

"Not for me" i say sarcastically while showing my muscles

"Come here you idiot" he says

I do as he says and crawl into the bed. This time i cuddle into him so that i am little spoon. God i feel so Calm in his arms.

"I love you so much"

"I love you too Nick, now go to sleep"

"Mhm... fine..."

I didn't feel tired before but now i actually do, so i close my eyes and slowly dose off

𝐂𝐡𝐚𝐫𝐥𝐢𝐞'𝐬 𝐏𝐎𝐕:
After what could only be a minute or two Nick lets out a snore. God he is so cute when he snores.

Normally i hate it when people snore, but his snores are just different.

I try to Fall asleep but i can't. Probably because of my nap before. But also because i literally can't get it out of my head how lucky i feel to have Nick. He knew something was up with me without me having to say it.

I wish i could just eat normally and not be such a burden on Nick.

I spend the entire night thinking, thinking about why my life is like this and why I feel so empty all the time. I have nick, I have always had him so why do I all of a sudden feel so fucking alone? Like something is missing?

"Charlie?" I hear from downstairs. Fuck, last night I fell asleep on the bathroom floor. "Cha-" he barged in the door and froze.

" I'm sorry" I say before he can say anything
" No dont be baby, Come here" he says and pulls me to a hug. I dont want him to see all the dried up puke, and blood basically everywhere but I think that's too late because, it's everywhere like literally.

" go to the living room and I will clean this up,
please" nick says. I can't let him clean all this shit up that's by the way from the inside of me.
" No I'll do it" i say
" Charlie no" he says and literally pushes me out of the door and closes it, okay well guess I'm not cleaning that up.

𝐍𝐢𝐜𝐤'𝐬 𝐏𝐎𝐕:

After i clean up the bathroom, i walk into the livingroom so that i Can talk to Charlie.

"Char-"

"I'm so Sorry Nick, i dont know what happended i just-"

"Charlie, stop saying Sorry, you have nothing to be Sorry about"

"But-"

"No, Its okay. Can you just please tell me Whats going on? I wanna help you but i can't if you dont open up and talk to me"

"Okay. I dont really know? I- I've just been Feeling like something is missing lately? Like- i have you and i love you, but theres just something thats missing..."

"Oh char, come here" i open my arms and Charlie cuddles into my chest.

"Do you Think Its because you maybe want to start a family?"

Charlie looks up at me.

"Yeah, maybe?"

"I Think it is. And i Think you are gonna be the best dad in the whole world" i say

"I'm not sure about that. How am i gonna take Care of a child when i can't even take Care of myself"

"Hey char, dont say something like that. You are gonna do the most amazing job. They Way you Care for the people around you is so amazing to Watch, and i know that our kid Will feel so loved by you"

"You're gonna make a great dad too you know? You always make me feel so loved Nick. Our kid is gonna be so lucky to have you as their dad"

"I love you Charlie"

"I love you too"

"You should probably get some sleep char"

"Yeah"

We walk over to the couch and i Lay Down and Charlie lays Down on top of me.

"We are gonna be parents"

"I know"

.