To Be Mentally Ill

You (6/25/23)

you tell me you don't want me to end up alone

that you won't be here forever

but don't you know that you are the reason I can't love anyone else?

you're abusive and manipulative,

invasive and cruel,

you're a total narcissist who uses lies to excuse the truth.

you tell me you love me

but you have told me the opposite too

so when I say I'm afraid to love, why can't you understand?

you have belittled me

turned me into nothing

used me until I felt nothing.

you know just how to destroy my self-esteem

how to make my voice sound fragile

how to make my bones weak.

you are not a lover

you were supposed to be a mother

instead all you created was a sufferer out of a daughter.

you can use my skeleton to decorate your walls

use my blood to sacrifice to your god

and my heart to feast upon.

you can hate me

and need me

but you never ever love me.

you love that you can use me

you love that you can abuse me

you love that you can break me.

I am nothing but yours

and you know that I will never be anything more

because I'm just a doll to you, a tool you can use.