~ the light at the end of the tunnel ~

• chapter 1 •

𝘊𝘩𝘢𝘱𝘵𝘦𝘳 1, 𝘜𝘱𝘥𝘢𝘵𝘦𝘥
'𝘏𝘰𝘮𝘦?'

𝘞𝘈𝘙𝘕𝘐𝘕𝘎:
𝘋𝘦𝘢𝘵𝘩
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

The 13th of September, 2028.
It's officially been 8 years since my darling passed. My angel, my love, my life, my Bryan.

I regret every moment I didn't spend with him, even when I physically couldn't. I regret not moving in with him sooner, all the nights I missed being able to hold him in my arms, and stroke his hair, kiss his head as we slowly drifted into peaceful sleeps. I miss it all. All the days I had chosen to spend doing some pathetic activity, without him.
And then, in an instant, he was dead.
Dead on the bridge.
Dead in my arms.

He was my everything, the only man I had truly loved, romantically at least.
Before then, before I was dragged into that horrid excuse of a camp, having danger and tragedy dragged alongside me, I was uninterested in love. Uninterested in ever having a caring future. I was selfish, I told everyone, even Bryan, I wanted the best for Magnus, to give them a bright future, but in the end, it was all just for me. I almost lost them, the only sibling I had ever known.
And it happened again, it happened with Bryan, but this time,
I truly lost him.

Bryan Aphrodite, a gorgeous angel in all ways possible. With such soft, clear, sun kissed skin and a light, graceful body, which I could pick up with such ease, like holding a pot of grapes. I loved everything about him, and still do.

2 years after he died, 3 amazing people entered my life unexpectedly.
Atlas, Lotus, and Femi.
Our marvellous kids. It seemed impossible for us to produce offspring, not only was Bryan dead, but we're both cis male men, we had no eggs, no wombs, nothing to provide kids. But, as if the gods had heard our story, feeling pity for our grief, they appeared.

Mixed DNA, mixed appearance, they were everything we both dreamed of when talking about kids. They were ours.

"My favourite names? Well, I've got to love Artemis.. Atlas.. Lotus.. oh! And Femi's a cute one!!"
I still remember him saying that, and coincidentally, the three names fit so perfectly to them. Not just appearance wise but personality wise as well.

I feel in love, platonically, with them immediately, adoring every feature about them, especially the ones they inherited from my dear.
But, how they saddened me. I did not wish to avoid him but, Atlas, the middle child who was most definitely the toughest to handle, was much too like him. Like Bryan.
Half light, half dark hair, a perfect line splitting both sides evenly. Big, beautiful wings placed upon his back, though not as light and as graceful as Bryan's, they were still just as memorable. And his eyes, his big, Ruby eyes.
Bryan never inherited red eyes, neither did I, god knows where he and Lotus got such a colour from but they were gorgeous, and yet somehow still managed to remind me of Bryan.

And unfortunately, how he was so alike to Bryan, with such similar appearances and tiring personality traits, I could not look him in the eyes, not for long. I couldn't even call him by his own name, fearing one day I'd mistake him for Bryan, and by now he has adapted to the nickname, "Boy,". But I do know, he did not want to.

Surprisingly, out of the three he was the most understanding about the name, appearance and personality situation, barely daring to mention the fact I would not look at him the same way I could Lotus and Femi. I often overheard conversations between the three, his sister and sibling complaining about my behaviour towards him, and yet he shut them down. He didn't need to, he didn't deserve to go through it.
I regret a lot of things.

I regretfully was a horrible son, a horrible brother, a horrible husband and a horrible father. Now there is nothing to do to change it, but there is something I can do to make up for it.