Geckos and Anoles use their camouflaging skills to hide from predators and catch preys for meals. Their skill to adapt the colors of their surroundings is both fascinating and petrifying.
But ever since I've known their skill, I've never stopped dreaming to have it since.
Since I was a kid all I want was to fit in and to feel that I belong. But I quite narrowly didnt achieve that.
At a young age I knew something was wrong with me, I didnt quite know it at first but as I grew I started noticing.
Im a guy and i dont fit in well with other guys, their attitudes doesnt match mine. And others just find me weird.
I only had girl friends whom I quite liked because with them I felt belonging and understanding. But I noticed it myself that being a boy and having girl friends is weird.
That's why I want the skill of geckos to adapt the colors of those around me. To be apart of the group of guys.
Because even though having girl friends are cool, theres something about it that felt ilicit. Because I felt like I was one of them. And the more i hang out with them the more i became more "girly".
My guy friends noticed it but I didnt care. I didnt know why at a young age i was attracted to guy as a guy.
So that's where the illicit feeling is coming from. The felonious feeling was from what's inside me. I was gay.
I knew i wasn't allowed to. It felt forbidden.
I carried the weight of my unlawful conscience since I was a kid.
